sprechen Sie Juden? parlez-vous le juif ?

last night me, the jew, and my two partners from work went out to dinner after a damn-worthy long day. here's the scene: we're at a bbq place. there's drinks. on one side of the table is my younger partner and the jew. other side is me and my older partner. my older partner is from the virgin islands. he's 59 years old and has been a cop his whole life. he's very set in his ways. so.

the jew showed up after the 3 of us have already gotten, and toasted, our drinks. now she has hers. she picks up her beer and then gets this slightly panicked look. anyone that knows the jew knows she absolutely cannot take a sip of an alcoholic beverage without toasting first. so i raise my glass and tap hers and all is well. we explain to the guys why she had to toast and then we decide, what the hell, we'll do another toast:

the jew: "L'shanah tovah!"
old partner: "what is that? ....is that jew?"
younger partner/me: "oh my god. you did not just ask that..."
old partner: "what?!...i don't know....what does it mean"
the jew (laughing): "it's hebrew. i don't know what it means...um...it means 'to life'."

this is where i wanted to step in and say "no, no it does not mean that." but i figured since i'm not jewish, i probably shouldn't correct the one at the table that is (even though during chanukkah i was the one that had to tell her which direction to light the candles.)

old partner: "when do you celebrate easter?"
the jew: "we don't believe in jesus...well...we believe he was a man..."
old partner: :::looks so confused:::
the jew: "we don't follow the...which testament?"
me: "the new one."
the jew: "right! we don't follow the new testament."
old partner: "but they had this event in the formal lounge at easter and there were jews there and i couldn't understand any of it. not even the writing when they showed it to me."
the jew: "that's purim. it was in hebrew. it was for passover."
old partner: "oh. ok. i didn't know."
me/young partner: "oh my god."


so after dinner we go home and the jew looks up the actual meaning of 'L'shanah tovah'. which is: to a good year. l'chaim means 'to life'.

so not only does my partner not speak 'jew', apparently the jew doesn't either. :)


(i'm aware that i'm pretty politically incorrect/offensive at most opportunities on this blog, but it's in a total tongue-in-cheek way. i by no means approve of or accept my partner's ignorance.)