Wednesday, July 30, 2008

наш собственный личный переводчик

the jew, the ruskie, and i decided to go reconnect with our inner xphile and go see the x-files movie tonight. all three of us trekked out there independently because we like to contribute to the ruskie's retirement fund. the movie was...meh. there were a few spots where the jew and i looked at each other with a raised wtf eyebrow, but mostly it was like a long ass episode from back in the day.

for those that haven't seen the movie a good bulk of it has to do with some creepy ass russians. because chris carter wanted to be authentic or something he didn't put any subtitles for any of the shit those damn commies were saying. thankfully, we brought our own translator.

creepy commie: --mumbling some bullshit--
me & the jew to the ruskie: "what'd they say?!"
ruskie: "today! today!"
me: "subtitles?! we don't need 'em...we brought our own translator!"
jew: "yeah!"

there were actually quite a few moments where the creepy commies would be babbling some crazy creepy commie stuff on the screen and the jew and i were flatlined on the subject, but of course, to my right the ruskie got it all. damn her and her oversized IQ and well traveled brain.

Friday, July 25, 2008

a miniature update of sorts...

ok, ruskie, this is why there hasn't been any updates: because neither the jew or i are really ever around each other for more than a hectic passing moment on our way out the door to another crazy hectically scheduled day. i promise you that when we do manage to spend more than 3 minutes in each others presence something outrageously jew/gypsy will happen and i will blog about it.

you could just move back in if you really miss the shenanigans around here. though there really isn't any anymore. even monster dog has settled down (to a point).

i'll keep y'all updated. guaranteed.

(and, really, no crazy ruskie nyc weekend stories? or have you just not shared them?)

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

partners in crime til the hilarious end.

the jew and i haven't spent more than 15 minutes in the same room/house together in almost a month. which is why this blog hasn't had any entries in about as long. however, today the jew came home early from work and we have managed to have a months worth of entries happen in about an hours time:

(sound of the vacuum)
jew: "oh. that wasn't supposed to go in there."
gypsy: "what did you do? and what's that burning smell?"
jew: "i sucked up my warm fuzzy."
gypsy: "your what?"
jew: "my warm fuzzy. the purple thing that sits on my night stand?"
gypsy: "i don't spend a lot of time looking around your room."
jew: "my warm fuzzy is now in the vacuum and won't come out."

of course i somehow get sucked into helping the warm fuzzy escape from its (his? her?) impending doom amongst the swirl of dust and tucker fur. first we start with trying to remove the end of the hose that the warm fuzzy is stuck closest to. no avail. then we try a coat hanger down the tube to unlodge the thing. no go. i begin to remove the screws that hold the hose into the vacuum. the jew says she doesn't understand what that's going to do. watch and be amazed, jew!

i go get the broom and shove it down the flex end of the tube.

gypsy: "it's like trying to get a mouse through a python."
jew: "yeah..."

a few pushes and out pops the little purple warm fuzzy.

gypsy: "wait! that's what i've just spent 15 minutes of my life trying to rescue? you do realize this is just a catnip toy, right?"
jew: "it's my warm fuzzy..."
gypsy: "well if it's important to you..."
jew: "i firmly await the blog entry on this one."
gypsy: "this is another situation where i'm glad [the ruskie] is not around to witness this."

the princess and the pea...

omg. the jew has a new bed. it's the most absurd thing i have ever seen in my life. let me paint this picture for you...the jew is only 65" tall. her bed is now 32" tall. it is literally the height of the average 5 year old. it's like the monster trucks of mattresses.

me: "that's the most ridiculous thing i've ever seen."
jew: "but did you lay on it?"
me: "no. i don't regularly lay in your bed when you're not around...not that i regularly lay in your bed at all..."
jew: "but dude. you have to feel this."
me: "i'm not getting into bed with you."
jew: "but you have to feel this!"
me: "ok. fine."
(laying next to each other in the exact same position)
me: "it's times like these when i'm really glad [the ruskie] isn't here to witness this."
jew: "yeah..."

she shouldn't have made me lay in's so comfortable that the jew may have to worry about me taking up residency on half the bed when she's not looking. thankfully it has "independently wrapped coils" so she won't notice when i've done this.

this bed is so high that i'm afraid the jew may pull something trying to climb into it. never to be one to allow my jew to be injured, i helped her out a bit:

the only thing that comes to mind when i see this? oy.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

ER visit # 1 billion and 4

ugh. lunch with the jew is so stressful it landed me in the ER..again ;)

not really, but after a very pleasant empty-bar lunch, i said goodbye to the jew and went about going to work. of course my body had other plans for me. namely vomitting excessive amounts of blood all over my car. SO MUCH FUN.

off to the ER i went. but i didn't utilize my uber awesome ICE (shocking, i know!). i utilized my uber awesome girlfriend and went about going to the ER.

1 crackhead roommate, an NG tube (like an orgasm for my nose), and 6 hours later i got discharged.

i call the jew (who has kept in contact via text the entire time):

jew: "i bought you cheerios."

this is why my jew is the best jew in the entire world. ever. hands down.

oh, yeah, and thanks gf. you're the best too. :)

(pictures to come...because my gf is a sadist :) )

the gypsy and jews giant game of red rover.

since the ruskie vacated the nice bright non humid room downstairs i have moved into it. this puts the jew and i directly across the hall from each other. this makes the monster dog very happy. he can now run from my room across the hall into her room and onto the bed. and then back again. wash, rinse, repeat. over and over again.

jew: "oh, so you think you can just sleep wherever you want with whoever you want? you think you can just jump from bed to bed?"
me: "yeah, we can call him [insert name of slutty friend here]."
jew: "are you [the slut]? are you? yes you are...."

ridiculous. but also kinda awesome.

the other thing that putting us across the hall from each other has done is that we can seriously each sit on our bed and post game our days.

however, even the proximity hasn't stopped us from IMing each other from across the 8 feet of hallway.

what can i say? old habits die hard.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

well, this sucks.

10 days apart definitely did a number on us. the dynamics are different. our lives are different. when (not if) we get back to being the jew/the gypsy, there will be blogs and they will be hilarious. until then, people....