Monday, December 29, 2008

there would be tuck pics if blogger would upload them...

i'm going to be working on a year in review of "the incredibly true misadventures of the gypsy and the jew" prior to us parting ways with our house. yes, i say our house and not each other seeing as, apparently, i am moving into (for a limited time only) the jew's super awesome pretty new house she's getting.

until i am able to scrounge up the time, energy, and general wit it takes to blog, please accept ourthanks for sticking with us. (yes, we mean you, ruskie, kojew, mama ruskie, and slick).

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

total cop out.

the ruskie says that mama ruskie (who is made of awesome) wants me to update this blog. so this is an update. but really it's not because nothing ever happens in our house anymore. we've become relatively normal. though this conversation did take place yesterday upon the jew's return from her thanksgiving trip:

jew (opens the refrigerator. looks in.): is there a fruit basket in the refrigerator?
gypsy: yes.
jew (pauses, does her curious but not so much as to ask face): ok. (closes the refrigerator)

the end. see? not very interesting.

but i rest comfortably knowing this:

ComradeRuskie (1:52:38 PM): btw my mom wants you to update your blog
Gypsy (1:52:47 PM): sure she does
ComradeRuskie (1:53:26 PM): no really, she loves it
ComradeRuskie (1:53:32 PM): probably more than mine
gypsy (1:55:57 PM): i'm sorry
ComradeRuskie (1:56:10 PM): UGH
gypsy (1:57:18 PM): :)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

slightly amusing. even though she woke me up ;)

frantic call from the jew this morning in which she sounded like a scared first time mother.

jew: "something's wrong with tucker"
me: "what do you mean?"
jew: "his ears are back & his tail is between his legs & he's shaking & looks miserable in general."
me: "is he cold?"
jew: "what?"
me: "is he cold? was he just outside?"
jew: "yeah..."
me: "touch his nose...is it cold?"
jew: "like ice"
me: "wrap him in a blanket & hold him for a little bit, he'll be all right."
jew: "oh. ok. good. i just thought....the last time he was like that he ended up in the emergency room. i was worried."
me: "no, he's fine. he just doesn't know when to not play outside."

tucker's favorite season is winter. he won't come inside until he's almost frozen. he loves to sled once the snow comes. yes, ruskie, there will be pictures of this. :)

Monday, November 17, 2008

party to the crime? or accessory after the fact without intent?

i unwittingly busted the jew out of the hospital today without knowing she hadn't been discharged.

sigh.

she's going to get me arrested. or at least in trouble with mama jew.

Friday, November 7, 2008

teeny tiny baby steps.

i'm a'house huntin' tomorrow. without the jew. this makes me very nervous and sad. but also happy cause yay, i'm getting all grown up & moving in with the gf. but still. home life without the jew? i don't like that idea one little bit.

no no no.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

dying from the cuteness....

the little monster has gained quite a bit of weight lately. we're not so sure why or how, but he no longer looks like a pitt-bull in anyway. in fact he's all big fatty old man lab. however, he's still able to make us go awwwww when he does things like this:
on a sidenote: i've begun the process of looking for a new place to live. this makes me very sad. we're not sure how we're going to divide the monster. i say chainsaw, but most likely we'll go with a massive game of tug-o-war....

Friday, October 17, 2008

Wonder if they'd let Tucker into the theatre to see this one. Although he'd probably try to run around the back side of the screen to try to find a new friend.

http://movies.yahoo.com/premieres/10232841/standardformat/

Saturday, August 30, 2008

i wonder if i can get her parents to send me money over the phone...;)

kojew and i hit the monuments this am while the jew slept her little heart away. at one point we were talking about how i am known to bake massive amounts of cookies . i explained to kojew that i no longer bake as much as i used to since the ruskie isn't around to give me sad eyes and say "um, are there any cookies?"

kojew starts laughing.

kojew: "it's uncanny how much you can sound like [the ruskie]."
gypsy: "it's only cause we're both from california..."
kojew: "it's still uncanny."
gypsy: "well, it's also easy cause i hate people as much as she does."
kojew: "funny."

but it's true...i do do a wicked ruskie impersonation. surf board, pipelines, and communism not included.

(the jew, however, does a much better impersonation of sitting in the corner at the kitchen table)

Friday, August 29, 2008

mr. clean would be proud. or something.

it's 2001 hours on a friday night. kojew is visiting us this weekend. her bus should be arriving shortly. as such, the jew & i are on a mad dash around the house to make it look like we on occasion do not live like frat boys on spring break. all the cups have been taken off the table (and placed in the dishwasher, no less!). bowls have been picked from their homes on the floor. empty yogurt containers with tucker teeth marks on the edges have been recycled. the jew is cleaning the toilet (she busted out nitrile, not latex, gloves for this task.)

we're now both sitting on the couch (which, looking at it, needs vaccuuming) typing away.

i hope kojew doesn't notice the 4 pairs of flip flops, 2 pairs of running shoes, 3 pairs of boots under the table.

and, really, everything should be okay as long as she doesn't enter either of our rooms. :)

in case of nuclear fallout, we're covered.

i came home from work today to find a big brown package sitting on the porch. it was addressed to the jew. like all the other packages of hers that i drag into the house, i dragged this one in as well (dragged? drug? i'm not sure). the jew was sleeping on the couch & i not-so-quietly plopped the thing on the table. after a few groggy moments she jumped up like a kid on christmas (not a jewish kid, but ya know, a christmas celebratin' one) and began to open the box.

jew: "you're going to laugh when you see what's in here."
gypsy: "buy one get one 1/2 off from drugstore.com?" (total inside joke that i'm too lazy to see if i mentioned on here & link back to)
jew: "haha. no."

she opened the box.

this is what it contained:


gypsy: "are we opening a day care?"
jew: ".....no."

yes, that's right, 80 fruit snacks. they are, apparently, fat free. and she, the jew, is apparently, addicted to them. (as i type this, she's moving the box to the counter, very gingerly & with much love, i must say.)

i'm thinking that should a case of Pop Tarts arrive ('smores flavor only, of course) i will be concerned that the jew is half way to packing up a bunch of notebooks & heading to a cabin in west virginia with a gun rack in the back of her civic. then, when she's gone all conspiracy nutted & is sending unlabeled packages across the country, i can look back and say it all started with 80 bags of 100% fruit juice chewiness....

Monday, August 18, 2008

he's whipped it, whipped it good...

so i came home this morning from work, walked in the door, and there was tucker with his tail between his legs. i thought maybe he was scared cause, ya know, he never mans up. i didn't think anything of it. i went to bed. an hour later i get woken up by a 64.4lb dog on my chest whimpering. i ask him what's wrong. he doesn't answer. i kinda patted him on his butt and told him to go to bed. the loudest girliest wussiest yelp ever came out of the little monster. egads! what the hell? after much yelping on his part i am able to ascertain that the pain is coming from his tail which is now bent all crooked like. i message the jew and she says he was all grumpy and in pain last night while i was at work too. hrmph. i say i think his tail is broken. i google. sure, enough, the examples of broken tails look just like the little monster dogs tail. amputation is the only option. bigger hrmph. i tell this to the jew. we decide to take him to the vet. he's spending the day there while they figure it all out. the jew & i are very concerned for our baby. after all, tucker does have two mommies.

in regards to us both being concerned & trying to manage the little guy, the jew had this to say:

jew: " besides, we haven't been super gay together in a while."

true. very very true.

---i'll update when we know more---

UPDATE!

the vet says that the little monster dogs tail is more than likely just badly sprained and not broken. he's on some medication to make the pain subside & thus by make his grumpy subside as well. if he doesn't get better by mid-week we'll re-evaluate the situation. the jew picked the tuck up from the vet and he (tucker, not the vet) peed on the floor. if that's not a perfectly healthy monster, i don't know what is. :)

Thursday, August 14, 2008

an update for the ruskie...

nothing of noteworthiness or excitement is going on.

the jew is sick. i am sick.

we are eating plain pasta in the dark with no tv on in our pajamas at 1630 hours on a thursday. the dog is hiding because it's scary and storming outside.

so exciting is this household without our ruskie.

consider yourself officially updated ;)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

наш собственный личный переводчик

the jew, the ruskie, and i decided to go reconnect with our inner xphile and go see the x-files movie tonight. all three of us trekked out there independently because we like to contribute to the ruskie's retirement fund. the movie was...meh. there were a few spots where the jew and i looked at each other with a raised wtf eyebrow, but mostly it was like a long ass episode from back in the day.

for those that haven't seen the movie a good bulk of it has to do with some creepy ass russians. because chris carter wanted to be authentic or something he didn't put any subtitles for any of the shit those damn commies were saying. thankfully, we brought our own translator.

creepy commie: --mumbling some bullshit--
me & the jew to the ruskie: "what'd they say?!"
ruskie: "today! today!"
me: "subtitles?! we don't need 'em...we brought our own translator!"
jew: "yeah!"


there were actually quite a few moments where the creepy commies would be babbling some crazy creepy commie stuff on the screen and the jew and i were flatlined on the subject, but of course, to my right the ruskie got it all. damn her and her oversized IQ and well traveled brain.

Friday, July 25, 2008

a miniature update of sorts...

ok, ruskie, this is why there hasn't been any updates: because neither the jew or i are really ever around each other for more than a hectic passing moment on our way out the door to another crazy hectically scheduled day. i promise you that when we do manage to spend more than 3 minutes in each others presence something outrageously jew/gypsy will happen and i will blog about it.

you know...you could just move back in if you really miss the shenanigans around here. though there really isn't any anymore. even monster dog has settled down (to a point).

i'll keep y'all updated. guaranteed.


(and, really, no crazy ruskie nyc weekend stories? or have you just not shared them?)

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

partners in crime til the hilarious end.

the jew and i haven't spent more than 15 minutes in the same room/house together in almost a month. which is why this blog hasn't had any entries in about as long. however, today the jew came home early from work and we have managed to have a months worth of entries happen in about an hours time:

(sound of the vacuum)
jew: "oh. that wasn't supposed to go in there."
gypsy: "what did you do? and what's that burning smell?"
jew: "i sucked up my warm fuzzy."
gypsy: "your what?"
jew: "my warm fuzzy. the purple thing that sits on my night stand?"
gypsy: "i don't spend a lot of time looking around your room."
jew: "my warm fuzzy is now in the vacuum and won't come out."

of course i somehow get sucked into helping the warm fuzzy escape from its (his? her?) impending doom amongst the swirl of dust and tucker fur. first we start with trying to remove the end of the hose that the warm fuzzy is stuck closest to. no avail. then we try a coat hanger down the tube to unlodge the thing. no go. i begin to remove the screws that hold the hose into the vacuum. the jew says she doesn't understand what that's going to do. watch and be amazed, jew!

i go get the broom and shove it down the flex end of the tube.

gypsy: "it's like trying to get a mouse through a python."
jew: "yeah..."

a few pushes and out pops the little purple warm fuzzy.

gypsy: "wait! that's what i've just spent 15 minutes of my life trying to rescue? you do realize this is just a catnip toy, right?"
jew: "it's my warm fuzzy..."
gypsy: "well if it's important to you..."
jew: "i firmly await the blog entry on this one."
gypsy: "this is another situation where i'm glad [the ruskie] is not around to witness this."

the princess and the pea...

omg. the jew has a new bed. it's the most absurd thing i have ever seen in my life. let me paint this picture for you...the jew is only 65" tall. her bed is now 32" tall. it is literally the height of the average 5 year old. it's like the monster trucks of mattresses.

me: "that's the most ridiculous thing i've ever seen."
jew: "but did you lay on it?"
me: "no. i don't regularly lay in your bed when you're not around...not that i regularly lay in your bed at all..."
jew: "but dude. you have to feel this."
me: "i'm not getting into bed with you."
jew: "but you have to feel this!"
me: "ok. fine."
(laying next to each other in the exact same position)
me: "it's times like these when i'm really glad [the ruskie] isn't here to witness this."
jew: "yeah..."

she shouldn't have made me lay in it...it's so comfortable that the jew may have to worry about me taking up residency on half the bed when she's not looking. thankfully it has "independently wrapped coils" so she won't notice when i've done this.

this bed is so high that i'm afraid the jew may pull something trying to climb into it. never to be one to allow my jew to be injured, i helped her out a bit:

the only thing that comes to mind when i see this? oy.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

ER visit # 1 billion and 4

ugh. lunch with the jew is so stressful it landed me in the ER..again ;)

not really, but after a very pleasant empty-bar lunch, i said goodbye to the jew and went about going to work. of course my body had other plans for me. namely vomitting excessive amounts of blood all over my car. SO MUCH FUN.

off to the ER i went. but i didn't utilize my uber awesome ICE (shocking, i know!). i utilized my uber awesome girlfriend and went about going to the ER.

1 crackhead roommate, an NG tube (like an orgasm for my nose), and 6 hours later i got discharged.

i call the jew (who has kept in contact via text the entire time):

jew: "i bought you cheerios."

this is why my jew is the best jew in the entire world. ever. hands down.

oh, yeah, and thanks gf. you're the best too. :)

(pictures to come...because my gf is a sadist :) )

the gypsy and jews giant game of red rover.

since the ruskie vacated the nice bright non humid room downstairs i have moved into it. this puts the jew and i directly across the hall from each other. this makes the monster dog very happy. he can now run from my room across the hall into her room and onto the bed. and then back again. wash, rinse, repeat. over and over again.

jew: "oh, so you think you can just sleep wherever you want with whoever you want? you think you can just jump from bed to bed?"
me: "yeah, we can call him [insert name of slutty friend here]."
jew: "are you [the slut]? are you? yes you are...."

ridiculous. but also kinda awesome.

the other thing that putting us across the hall from each other has done is that we can seriously each sit on our bed and post game our days.

however, even the proximity hasn't stopped us from IMing each other from across the 8 feet of hallway.

what can i say? old habits die hard.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

well, this sucks.

10 days apart definitely did a number on us. the dynamics are different. our lives are different. when (not if) we get back to being the jew/the gypsy, there will be blogs and they will be hilarious. until then, people....

Monday, June 30, 2008

today was a good day.

today is my 26th birthday. after an amazing weekend i was very reluctant to go to work. and with good reason. it sucked. but the rest of my day totally made up for it. i got to eat ice cream on the georgetown water front & feed ducks. then it rained! ON MY BIRTHDAY! (most wanted thing as a child.)

then! the ruskie & the jew took me out to dinner. creepy waiter aside, it was a lot of fun.

however! nothing today could be the highlight of my day...tucker going batshit insane over water & ice cubes (no, seriously). the jew & i couldn't stop laughing. it continued for approx 15 minutes before tucker stopped. i think he got bored before we did. pictures/video to come.

in short: today=birthday. today=awesome. birthday=awesome. gypsy=thankful.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

parting is such sweet sorrow...

the ruskie has officially moved out. tucker doesn't seem to be too affected. the kitchen table, however, is morning its loss and may never fully recover.

(miss you ruskie. and not only because you now have a wii)

Thursday, June 26, 2008

guilt trip 1.0

so when we had our doggy social worker visit, the jew mispronounced one of the potential puppy's names. we mentioned that we like to take tucker everywhere with us (including for car rides). we mentioned that training, strict training, was a must. and, clearly, there were no men in our house....

from zoe's personal update:

" Hi this is Zoe- pronounced Zo-eee like Zoey 101. I've been hanging out at the kennel for a few months just chillin' . Because I have been such a "fraidy cat" in the past, the wonderful folks at MAGSR thought it was best for me to interact with a lot of different caring volunteers so I could build my confidence and learn to channel my fears appropriately. Everyone tells me I'm doing great! My tummy gets upset in the car so I like to hang out close to home. I'm really quite the "homebody" so guess what I'm missing- a home to call my own! In the past I've played very well with other young dogs so if you have a dog, that should be great! I especially like human ladies so I don't mind if I go to a home without a live-in dad. I have to promise to go to strict training with my new owner to make sure I continue to build confidence around strangers. I'm such a Love Bug I promise to be your very best friend if you decide to choose me. So how about it, are you that special person that will love me fur-ever? When you apply to MAGSR, make sure you list me as a must-see puppy!"

CAN YOU SAY SPECIFIC MARKETING?

it is what it is and hopefully will always be.

the jew is home. it's kinda weird, but mostly not. in that way that everything about us is weird but mostly not. i think we're so used to telling each other everything, that being apart for 10 days was definitely a change for us. and, it seems like our lives have changed drastically in the last couple weeks. but, the one thing that hasn't, and hopefully never will, change is that no matter where we are, who we're with, what we're doing...we still are each others person. i couldn't be more thankful if i tried.


in short: i'm glad you're home, jew.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

mail order bride's looking pretty good about now..

the jew comes home in 2 days. as such, i have to get off my ass and make the house some type of decent. this includes mowing the lawn and bathing the dog. sweeping and vacuuming would probably be a good idea. someone should definitely do the dishes at some point as well.

seriously, i know i really wanted the jew back from israel, but it seems like such a chore now ;)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

no one compares 2 u.



so i'm dating this new girl. she came over for the first time today. tucker fell in love. harder than he fell for the jew, i think. you be the judge:




but, just when i thought maybe, just maybe, tucker would be okay without his jew, i moved her vehicle to allow the ruskie to park in the driveway. i double clicked the car alarm. tucker went crazy! HIS JEW WAS HOME! or so he thought.

who are we kidding? no one can compare to his jew. back to the mopey.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

ain't no sunshine when she's gone...this house just ain't a home anytime she goes away...

mr. miserable update:

it's been 5 whole days since he's seen his jew. he is, not shockingly, miserable and pathetic. he's giving the ruskie and i a complex because, even together, we can't measure up.


Tuesday, June 17, 2008

what were we doing wrong?

either we were defective or our sand was defective, cause if a whole state can protect itself from water crashing down on them with sand...why couldn't we?

speaking of which...people keep offering to buy the sand. but then they don't know how they're going to pack it up & haul it away. sigh.

maybe our sand will have a better life in the land of soy & corn.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

defacto third and fourth roommates.

defacto third roommate (aka KoJew) and defacto 4th roommate (aka slick)?

you rock. you know why. much appreciated.

Friday, June 13, 2008

packing party

the jew is packing for israel right now. well, she was packing. right now she's standing in the living room. in a skirt. twirling.the ruskie is rightfully appalled.



and just for good measure:

with a look like this, how could an israeli soldier boy refuse?



jew: "i hate you."

she really doesn't.

just remember, ruskie, i'm not the one trading you in for another bedroom ;)

in an effort to make tucker more respectable looking for the doggy social worker, we started making him wear his collar again. it's striped and multi-colored. the ruskie, of course, is not amused (or maybe she is, but with her you never know...):

ruskie: "i like your collar tucker...i'm not used to seeing you not looking like the stray dogs in moscow....you know the ones you find in the metro station...then the old babushkas beat them with brooms."

and then 5 minutes later:
ruskie: "i actually did have to work today....[explains what she did]...and then i killed a few polar bears."

oh, ruskie, as much as the jew wants your bedroom for all her crap, i'm pretty sure we're really going to miss you when you move out.

i wonder how much it'd cost to check that luggage...

the jew is leaving for israel tomorrow for 10 days. well, she's actually leaving for new york tomorrow since you're not really supposed to travel on saturday's if you're a jew (attending baseball games, however, seems to be okay). as such, i'm put in the weird position of having to explain to the dog that his jew is leaving him for 10 days and may not come back if she finds a hot israeli soldier boy. on one hand, if that does happen, yay for the jew (especially if hot israeli soldier boy as a hot israeli gay sister--or not gay, doesn't really stop me.). but on the other hand, i don't want to have to listen to tucker cry for the rest of his life over his long lost jew. the dog is so emo that i feel that if he really could, he'd play an acoustic guitar and sing about...well, whatever emo kids sing about. 10 days without her in the house is going to be bad enough, i can't imagine if she weren't to come home.

so you better come home, jew. you hear that? bring the israeli soldier boy (and his hot sister) back with you in your suitcase if necessary. cause whatever happens, you better be back here in one piece in a timely fashion (especially for july rent). :)

and if you don't come home? i will come over there and drag you back myself.

you know i would.

(this is my way of saying be safe and i'll miss you.)

a pain in my ass down to the bitter end...

the pool has officially exited the premises. but, of course, not without some sort of issue.

i agreed to meet the nice suckers that bought the damn thing halfway between where they were going to be and where we live which translated to about 10 miles from our house. i get there and they aren't there. the guy calls and explains the traffic situation and i totally understand because the dc metro area sucks. i wait 30 minutes and they arrive. as i'm explaining what everything is and does i realize that i totally forgot to bring the air filter/water pump thing. i agree to meet them on a later date when they're in the area again, but homeboy (who was so very nice, actually) says him and his chitlins (his words) don't mind waiting while i run home and get it. which i do. so 40 miles of round trips later (or $6 worth of gas) the damn thing is out of my hands.

the best part? homeboy was wearing his full army fatigues and i was in bdu's and a SWAT shirt. we were parked in the back of a 7-11 and moved a very large heavy, body shaped something rolled inside a tarp from one vehicle to another. AND NO ONE SEEMED TO NOTICE.

probably because we were white and driving fords.


(goodbye cruel pool)

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Ha! sure fooled them!

"[jew],

we wanted to let you know that you are approved. Please let us know those [dogs] you are interested in meeting and we will start scheduling."

and that's where i stopped reading. i'm sure the jew finished all the legal mumbo jumbo part but i stopped after the first line. yay us! poor dog doesn't have a chance of being normal now.... ;)

all the rage.

my friend made this for her jew (cause everyone has one nowadays):


i'm not inclined to make little icons for people, but i hope the jew knows that if i was inclined she would have one and it would be way better (what she'd do with it is anyones guess).

my friend and i are now in an argument over whose jew is better. hers or mine. much like the "how many licks" question (of tootsie pop fame, pervs.) the world may never know.

i leave 'em alone for a few minutes....

This Could Only Happen at 23:00...

So seeing as I am down to 2 days before I depart this fine country for Israel, I decided I should do laundry... I don't own a lot of clothes so I thought I should probably wash them. After successfully doing my first load, I popped in the second, smaller load. 25 minutes later, I went in to check on the dryer and alas, found approximately 1.5 inches of water filling our laundry room floor. Instead of immediately stopping the washer, I first ensured I had back up in the form of the Ruskie. She just stared at the water in disbelief, the look usually reserved for, how the hell does this happen, as I began to broom the water outside (I didn't know what else to do). Alas, 20 minutes later, very little water was left thanks to my kick ass car dryer cloth. Photos to come because thankfully the Ruskie had her camera handy... although this potentially could have been a great test for my new waterproof camera case.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

take that james dobson...focus on our mother fucking "family".

so the jew is adopting a dog. which somehow, of course, translates into we are adopting a dog. because we can't do anything separately. so in order to adopt the dog we have to not only fill out an application, but have a home visit.

today was the home visit.

there's not much to say other than: it's a good thing we have separate bedrooms to show people that we, in fact, are not a couple. we somehow managed to sound more like a couple than ever (apparently we've decided without talking about it that we're living in this house together for as long as we possibly can) and we are left wondering what this lady must have thought of us (we just want her to say yes we...er, the jew... can have a dog).

seriously people. me, the jew, and tucker should be the poster children for the nuclear family.

fucking eh.

big bad scary storm.

last night a mini-monster storm rolled through the greater dc area. we were not home when it began, and as such tucker had to fend for himself. apparently he heard that sometimes the bathtub/bathroom is the safest place to be in some serious storm situations. which is where we found him upon our return home. so funny. so cute.

so ridiculous.

pool exits stage left

the pool has been sold. some suckers...er, nice family, in winchester has decided to buy it from us. why they'd trek way out here to pay more than they could buy it for in a store in a box, i haven't a clue. nor do i care at this point.

the bad news is that they are not taking the sand. any of it!

the sand castle contest is looking like a possibility. 1st price will be 1300lbs of sand!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

shiny happy toys make shiny happy gypsies and jews.

the jew and i went on a field trip today. the arlington county local emergency planning committee had a meeting tonight. we joined. why? not because we were immensely interested (which we ended up being later on), but because they were taking a tour of the shiny new emergency communications center that arlington just unveiled. yes, we know, we're a little lame. but it was so shiny and so worth sitting through the babbling of middle aged women in order to see it.

first off, the jew and i wore the exact same thing. it wasn't planned. it just happens every now and then. we show up 20 minutes late, but whatev. because 40 minutes after our arrival we were in the shiny happy communications center! and it was good.

my people were there (the boys with the guns). the jews people were there (the boys with the hoses). we were like little kids in a candy store. except this was better than a candy store. we never wanted to leave.

no one else seemed to realize how pretty and shiny and happy it was except for the jew and i. eventually everyone else stopped listening but the jew & i were on our best behavior and got the full tour. i always joke that it's a good thing the jew & i did not go to school together because we would have gotten in a lot of trouble the pair of us. but turns out, when properly stimulated, we can be very focused and appropriate.

yay us! and yay for pretty shiny happy communications centers.

we've also decided that: 1) we are quite the pair (we even walk in sync). B) we operate as a unit which is mostly a good thing at times, but can be intimidating probably & 3) we're like lucy and ethel (i get to be lucy. apparently ethel is more level headed. but remember, lucy always got ethel to do what she wanted her to do, so watch out jew ;) ).

now we're at home (because they made us leave the pretty shiny happy place) and we're on the couch (of course), hiding from the storm (more tucker than the jew & me), watching NCIS (big surprise) and eating cheez-its (is there anything else?).

life? it is good.

craigslist.org to the rescue?

do you think anyone will take it?

conversations regarding the selling of the pool:

alex, my hot straight cuban boy, says:
alex: "you're such a sale-sbian."
me: "yeah, that's me."

the prospective future gf says:
the prospect:"say it ain't so. has lady j finally met her match? the big bad hero bested by an inflatable pool?"
me: "sad to say, but i fear so."

the ruskie says:
me: "i guess i should have put that we have 65% of a ton, not TONS of sand."
ruskie: "vital info...i still say we should put it in the front yard."
me: "while i know we live in virginia, i don't want to be those people in the front yard in their bathing suits."
ruskie: "who said anything about bathing suits?"
me: "that'd be quite the blog entry." (i will gladly be the one behind the lens on this one--what? i gotta let the lesbian in me have some fun ;) )

the kid says:
the kid: "how much of its history did you post? does it come with the sand?"
me: "sand is included."
the kid: "i hope they have a very flat yard."

KoJew says:
kojew: "too bad the pool is going bye-bye :("

i agree kojew, i agree.

among the missing, my resistance and something that once resembled my dignity...

i give up. i was of the general mindset of "break it down to build it up" when it came to the pool yesterday. however, having again seen the plight of our yard in the harsh light of day, i give up.

Cuiusvis hominis est errare; nullius nisi insipientis in errore perseverare

Monday, June 9, 2008

well when you put it like that...


gypsy
(12:49:25 PM):
i'm working on the pool again...i just need to figure it out before wed when the adoption lady comes
ruskie (12:50:04 PM): hide it in the crawlspace?
gypsy(12:52:18 PM): if i store the pool we need to think about what we want to do with the 900lbs of sand we now have in the yard
ruskie(12:52:57 PM): 900lbs????
gypsy(12:53:53 PM): yeah something like that
gypsy (12:54:13 PM): it's um, actually 1350 lbs
gypsy(12:54:19 PM): 50lbs x 27 bags
ruskie (12:54:41 PM): jesus effing christ
gypsy (12:57:16 PM): yeah exactly.
gypsy (12:58:19 PM): its sounds so ridiculous when you think of it like that....
ruskie (12:59:28 PM): hahahhaa

stay tuned for the latest update on the pool (and for pics from this saturday's pool fiasco)

Sunday, June 8, 2008

the german fury enters the ring...

conversation with the german fury (aka: slick)*:

slick (texting for me): "so is this #3 girl?"
me: "um...let me see..no, that's #4"
slick: "i see i was just another statistic."
me: "what do you mean?"
slick: "another in a long line of girls that fall for [the gypsy]"
me: "that's not true....they don't fall for me...well, maybe...but only until they actually meet me."
slick: "no, that's not true...::long contemplative pause::: it's once they meet [the jew] " :::big smile:::
me: "funny."


* slick was angry that she had never made it into our blog though others have. so there. you're here now, slick. happy? (i'm not enabling you beyond this, btw ;) )

Saturday, June 7, 2008

congratulations, aunt wauwa

the jew is officially an aunt two times over.

little baby something or another (no name yet) was born this morning 06/07/08. such a cool birthday.

congratulations aunt wauwa. :)

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

the gypsy, the Jew, a baseball game, & a rain delay or two...



2038 hrs: So the Jew and I are at a nationals/cards baseball game. We are sitting on the ground watching a kid throw a ball against a wall for the last 20 min or so. Why? Because the game is now beginning hour 2 of a rain delay.
(the jew worried about whether the game will ever start--hour 1) --->

We've exhausted all things to talk about (its very hard to have conversations when the other person has already thought what you were about to say). We did a bit of people watching and mocked accordingly.

<--(douche bag Screech looking dude that thought it a grand idea to wear his visor upside down)

and now we've gone on to live blogging. But since the Jew isn't creative it's me blogging and her looking over my shoulder. Even with nothing to do I feel that this will be one of my favorite baseball game experiences out of all the games I've gone to
throughout my life...or at least it will make the top 2* ;)

2110: this lady started going through the trash for no reason (or seemingly). she deserves a blog entry all to herself, but alas i'm too lazy to do it.

(turns out she had lost her credit card in the trash. she later came back and announced that she "has a fetish for trash cans")


2139 hrs. We've eaten ice cream and walked the entire 1st level of the park 2 full times (this way we could justify the eating of the ice cream...). Still no pitches no players no stop in the rain.


<--(somehow their grounds crew has managed to figure out a way to lay a big sheet of plastic and fill it with water... now, if only we could figure it out.)





this is apparently the place to be for people who do not understand personal boundaries...while the jew was in the restroom this random man practically stepped on me to read the wall behind my head. i suppose that's what i get for sitting on the floor. however, the man that just popped the jew's personal bubble with his belly/crotch and accosted her head while she was sitting in an actual bleacher chair? no excuse, buddy, no excuse. (he's lucky i didn't take him down).

<--(guy that trampled me) (guy that almost rubbed his big man belly on the jew's head)-->






2150 the game has now been postponed until tomorrow afternoon during a time we can't make it to. and now we're heading home...


2220 hours: we turn down our block and this is what we see:

("i thought we left the crime scenes back in columbia heights...")--->

wtf? so of course after we turn around and drive down the wrong way on our one way street we go investigating. turns out, downed power line. but the geniuses from the arlington county department of something or another can't seem to understand that the police line tape is for the PERIMETER of the issue. my tax dollars at work people.






so...3 hours of sitting around in the rain, eating ice cream, making fun of people, exploring a "crime scene",and doing it all with my jew? quite an enjoyable evening. for reals. see? the jew agrees:
(she's just upset because i won't take a picture with her...oh, and i told her we could play "gay or midwestern?" with this photo...)





* this is only my second game i've ever gone to. the other one was last night, also a rain delay night. also quite enjoyable.

Monday, June 2, 2008

ah, she beat me to it.

since the jew, surprisingly, beat me to the post over the latest IM conversation, i will just add the follow up brilliant idea by yours truly:

gypsy(1:52:28 PM): instead of a russian orphan that i can train, i can get a mail order bride.
gypsy(1:52:31 PM): if that helps.
gypsy(1:53:37 PM): oooooh, i can get a mexian/spanish speaking mail order bride...and then i can ask "donde esta mi pantalones?" and when she tells me where they are, all i'll need to learn is the word for "iron"
gypsy(1:53:50 PM): and i'll point.
jew (1:57:46 PM): omg
gypsy (1:59:19 PM): what? it sounds like a good idea....

and then i told the ruskie my plan:
gypsy (1:54:44 PM): so i've decided that when you move out i'm replacing you with a spanish speaking mail order bride.
gyspy(1:54:47 PM): ask [the jew].
gypsy (1:54:49 PM): she'll explain.
ruskie (1:56:07 PM): wtf?
ruskie(1:56:17 PM): can you write a blog entry about that...


done.

(donde esta mi pantalones is the only thing i know how to say in spanish, btw.)
Gypsy (13:53:02): instead of a russian orphan that i can train, i can get a mail order bride.
Gypsy (13:53:05): if that helps.
Gypsy (13:54:11): oooooh, i can get a mexian/spanish speaking mail order bride...and then i can ask "donde esta mi pantalones?" and when she tells me where they are, all i'll need to learn is the word for "iron"


umm.... yea.
Gypsy (13:49:40): i really wish [Tucker] was capable of ironing my uniform for me.
Jew (13:49:44): lol
Gypsy (13:49:49): why can't you teach him that instead of sitting and what not
Gypsy (13:50:00): the new puppy better learn how to iron.
Gypsy (13:50:02): :)
Gypsy
(13:50:15): otherwise i'm trading it in for a russian oprhan.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

pig-dog

so nikki brought over her two dogs on monday. one is roxie. a very sweet older golden/huskie mix. well behaved. adorable. the other one is this:

this is daisy. she's sweet in that little dog way. she's a monster in, well, every way. she also snorts. constantly. when she's running. when she's sitting (which was never). when she's being a monster (which was always).

this thing never. ever. settles. down. ever.

when the jew came home after an exhausting day of traveling and being hit on by air marshals (big surprise there, purty lady...), all she wanted was to snuggle up on the couch with "her" dog and watch a little tv. of course, nikki was still here with her sweet roxie and monster dog had been put in the car to settle down. however, when the jew came home was the exact time that nikki decided to bring monster dog into the house again. monster dog was back with a vengeance at this point.

jew: "what is this?!...what are you?!! why are you snorting!?!?!"
ruskie: "she's part pig."
jew: "really?" (totally thought that she was, i think...i would have made the same mistake, me thinks.)

monster pig-dog jumped on the couch. jumped on the jew. repeatedly. at first the jew was really good natured about it. but when monster dog jumped on the jew's head and prevented tucker from properly greeting his jew, i felt the jew about to break.the jew had her hand around the little monster dog and i swore she was going to throw the poor snorting beast across the room. which is when i stepped in and said "it's much too late for you to be here, daisy." and the jew said "i'm going to my room."

monster dog and his mommy were forced to make their exit from the house. i think it was a test on nikki's part to see whose side i'd take in the situation. duh, i will always take my jew's side no matter what the situation will be. i don't want to risk having *the* look thrown my way if i don't... :)


(nikki is actually pretty sweet and nice. even with the monster dog. and even if she hadn't done our yard work.)

the inflatable pool version 2.1?

gypsy (10:28:43): dude. big lots has a 7' inflatable spa we can get.
jew (10:29:04): i hate you.
jew (10:29:10): ;-)
gypsy (10:29:39): you don't hate me....you have to love me because i make you cookies.
jew (10:30:21): v. true....how about we get one inflatable pool set up before we buy another one?


the voice of reason strikes again.

oh, and jew? i hate you too. ;)

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

the gypsy, the jew, and a pool too. part 2: the ruskie ditched us.

917 am. monday morning. i wake up and head downstairs. the jew, of course, fell asleep on the couch and is awoken when i make my migration to the living room. immediately i head out to the back yard and take a look at our pitiful water filled creation. because the ruskie doesn't know how to properly close the valve on inflatable tubes, the thing has deflated again. AGAIN! i set about fixing the situation. out comes the jew squinting against the morning sun.

jew: "let me change into something more weather appropriate and i'll be down."

she comes back in a tank top and ponytail and eating a banana. she passes me a banana as well. i didn't even have to ask or think out loud that i wanted one. thanks, jew. after a few minutes she actually takes hold of the air compressor and allows me to eat said banana. thanks even more, jew. about 20 minutes goes by and we give up on the inflatable part of the operation and set about figuring out how to fill the damn thing up again. we make the decision that we will move it to the middle of the yard because that now seems like the most level place (it's like we have this ever shifting backyard landscape, i swear). so we empty out the water AGAIN (at which point we're both standing on the inner tube portion of the pool and i ask "do you ever feel like lucy & ethel?" "right now i do.") and drag it to the middle of the yard. again we start to fill it and again it does the same thing. fuck this, man.

jew: "this is not how i planned on spending my day."
me: "you don't have to help..."
jew: "no, it's a tactical engineering mystery at this point...i have to stick it out."
me: "i think we need to google this."

which we do. we make the decision to head to the home depot. surely someone there will take pity on our plight and help us out. while i'm changing into some actual pants, the jew googles even further. when i come downstairs to brush my teeth she points to her computer with her toothbrush:

me (reading what she wants us to do): "mumble mumble mumble" (toothbrush talk for "you want us to get an 8' pole, a stake, and dig?")
jew: "mumble mumble mumble" (toothbrush talk for "do you have a better idea?")
me: "mumble mumble mumble" ("let's tarp it and sand over it.")
jew: "mumble." (ok)

we head out to the home depot. now, anyone that knows me and the jew knows what it's like for us to go to home depot. it's always an adventure. we get to the home depot. we quickly scoop up most of the stuff we need and head for the sand which is...where? no clue. ask for directions.

guy: "straight back that way."
me & jew simultaneously: "awesome. thanks." ugh. we're so predictable.

get to the sand:

me: "what do you think...3 bags?"
jew: "better get 4...better to have too much than not enough."
me: "true."

we grab 4 bags. head to the check out line. all goes well. get to the car. get in the car. start the car. start to drive and perfectly in sync both of us grab our sunglasses with our right hands, move our hair out of the way, go to put the glasses on, realize the other one is doing the exact same thing, and together we sigh. then laugh. again, so predictable. i sometimes really feel like we're living our own version of the truman show.

we head back home, and decide first we need nourishment. i head for the remainder of my baja fresh. she heads for the cereal. the jew calls her boy. invites him over for a bbq for later in the evening:

me: "tell him i need him to come be manly!"
jew: "we need to you to come do manly things...well, not exactly those types..." (gets her overly girl voice she reserves for him out that really should cost $2.99/min to hear.)
me: "ew."
jew: "i'm sure he'll do it for you too."
me: "bigger ew!"

he agrees to come over but does not agree to do any of the manly things i need him to do for me & my pool. he does, however, agree to do many manly things to the jew which i do not need him to do in my house. ew.

anyway. we change our clothes AGAIN and start to lay the sand down but first we dragged the pool back to its original spot. 4 bags? yeah not nearly enough.the jew takes off her shirt, and after a particularly interesting bathing suit top malfunction, squints against the sun again. she is not happy. tucker, however, is completely mesmerized by the sand and water.(the actual face she's making in this picture is the perfect not pleased jew face. it's part of *the* look...she's totally going to kill me for putting up this picture, me thinks...)

now we're baffled.

me: "do you think if we..."
jew: "stop asking me! i don't know!"
me: "i was just wondering..."
jew: "we need more sand."

now we trek off to the home depot again. except this time neither of us bothered to make either of ourselves any type of appropriately dressed for the public. we get in the car:

me (looking at my cargo shorts and over sized t-shirt & her athletic shorts & sweaty tank top): "well, we now look like the type of people that should be shopping at the home depot."
jew: "yeah..."
me: "we also look like people whose project is failing miserably."
jew: "yeah...."

head back to the home depot, the entire time both of us saying "i feel like we've done this before..." 8 bags of sand later we're on our way back home.

jew (at a stop light): "i really have this urge to get drunk tonight."
me: "me too."
jew: "after today? we deserve it."

we get the bags of sand out (or rather, the jew does because my back is that of a 93 year old woman at this point). we level. we measure. we use a big giant stick. surely we've got it now, right? yeah not so much. of course we don't realize this until we've filled the damn thing with enough potable water to save a tennessee city from annexation by georgia. whatev. at this point i look at the jew and she looks at me:

me: "you done?"
jew: "so done."

we give up. we'll try again next week. maybe.

my big wonder in all of this is not how we're going to level the damn pool or how we're going to empty the thing without flooding our neighbors back yard, but what the visitors of the arlington sheridan hotel must think of us as they peep out their windows and into our back yard. i know that if i were them, seeing this type of shit go on would have been the best part of my vacation.

the gypsy, the ruskie, the jew, and a pool too...part 1: procuring the pool. and initial set up.

sunday afternoon. 1pm. the ruskie and i see a big lots commercial for the 15'x 36" inflatable "quick set" pool. it's on sale for $100. we look at each other:

same time: "dude...."
ruskie: "we should totally get that."
me: "but we have to do it before [the jew] gets home."
ruskie: "what time does she get home?"
me: "i just asked...she says around 10."
ruskie: "we have plenty of time...it couldn't be that hard, right?"
me: "i just texted [the jew] and told her we had a surprise for her."

since i was kinda supposed to be going on this date like thing with nikki (who doesn't read this blog and who i can totally use her real name on), i had to call her and tell her the change of plans. she decided to tag along (and bring her dogs with her...stay tuned for this story, btw) for the trek out to woodbridge. which, as the ruskie put it, there's only 2 reason to trek out to woodbridge and that's for cheap swedish furniture (and meatballs) from IKEA or, apparently, inflatable pools.

during the drive we have this conversation:
me: "i hope she doesn't get mad."
ruskie: "yeah...but she never gets as mad at me as she does with you."
me: "i just don't want *the* look...i can handle the rest...just not the look"

we get to woodbridge after the ruskie goes to her possibly new apartment building to drop off an application (yeah, we're kicking her out). get to woodbridge and this nice toothless man helped us out. now it was time for accessories:

ruskie: "ohhhh look, rafts...2 for $2.50! we can tell her that we got the pool so she can lay out the way she always wants to when she's in STL."
me: "good thinking...we can bribe her with cheap inflatable floaties..."

toothless man puts the pool into the vehicle and wishes us a happy day:
me: "he kinda reminds me of my uncle mike."
nikki: "hopefully your uncle has more teeth."
me: "strangely enough, no...no he does not...."
nikki: "uh...."

now it was time to fill up the ruskie's war-mobile (not terrorist mobile, ruskie). we trek over to the gas station and, of course, out of 6 pumps available 2 hispanic guys in a big ass dented truck pull up directly behind the ruskie and sit there right on the verge of saying "ay, mami." i know it. so after nikki and i stare them down they move their vehicle to the pump in front of us. brilliant parking job, guys. just brilliant.


we get home and because we have such an extensive project in front of us, we decide to grab burritos from baja fresh first. we need our nourishment and strength, ya know? after dinner we start the setting up process. it's now about 6pm. we have 4 hours to set up our "quick set" pool. so we begin.

the ruskie's job was to inflate the inner tube top of the pool. notice the word INFLATE. kinda a key part of her task and all. my job was to set up the pump. nikki didn't have a job so she decided to do all our yard work that we straight (yeah, nikki called me a straight girl) girls haven't done in the 4 months we've lived her. kinda a weird thing for a first date, but we're lesbians so it's almost understandable. plus, it really did need to be done. nikki's dogs are running amok with our dog and it's total chaos in this house.

text to the jew: "having 3 dogs in the house is total chaos."
call from the jew: "why do we have 3 dogs in the house?"
me: "told you we had a surprise for you...."
jew: "you did not get 3 dogs for the house."
me: "it's a surprise."
jew: "i hate you..."

we started to set up/fill the pool on the right side of the yard. it's the most private area of the back yard seeing as directly behind and above us is A BIG ASS HOTEL that overlooks our backyard. forget about the ground not being level or anything, we wanted our privacy. of course as we fill it the water all goes to one side. the sides are supposed to get higher as the water rises, but somewhere we've failed miserably. the ruskie decides we will move it to the other side of the yard where it surely is more level. um. ok. so we drain the pool and then drag/rotate the thing to the other side. the ruskie continues to supposedly inflate the ring. 20 minutes later...

me: "dude, is that even filling anymore? it looks less inflated than it did earlier."
ruskie: "i dunno. i've been pumping it."
me: "let me see that....dude, you've been fucking deflating the thing!....you're fired."
ruskie: "eh, whatev."

she was tired of being hit in the ass with a water gun spray from the kids next door anyway. i take over the inflating process,but first i ask the jew if she has an "electric air compressor". she calls.

jew: "what's an electric air compressor?"
me: "you know the thing you use to pump up tires and such."
jew: "why do you need an electric air compressor?"
me: "just trust me...do you have one?" (note: i absolutely cannot lie to the jew. she knows to not ask me questions she doesn't want answers to, and if i can't answer the question without lying to her for her own protection i always say "just trust me.")
jew: "next to my ammo box." (later found out she said this while sitting next to a federal air marshal on her way home from STL)
me: "awesome. thanks."
jew: "why do you need an air compressor?!"
me: "just trust me! gotta go, bye!"


the sun is now going down and the jew will be home in a matter of 2 1/2 hours. we are no closer to being done. however our yard work has now been completed. thanks, nikki!

ruskie: "i'm done."
me: "i think the spirit of what we were trying to accomplish is there."
ruskie: "eh, she'll get the idea."
nikki: "who wants ice cream?!"

so we gave up for the night. the jew returns, enters the house, looks around:

jew: "so i was thinking that the only thing that an air compressor could be used for would be for an inflatable pool."
me: "um...no...."
jew: "did you guys get a pool?!" goes to the backyard.
jew: "awesome...i was totally kinda wanting one."
collective sigh of relief from me & the ruskie.
jew: "it's not done."
me: "we're going to finish it tomorrow."
ruskie: "eh, not me...i'm going shopping."
jew: "well we can just take care of it tomorrow morning. no big deal."

NO BIG DEAL, MY ASS. stay tuned for part 2.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

best weekend ever

this weekend (or rather just sunday/monday) has really been the most interesting weekend this household has seen. unfortunately, there's just not enough time or ways to actually capture what went on around this joint over the last two days. hopefully i can capture the essence:

sunday: i was supposed to have a date but instead the ruskie and i decided to go buy a pool* and we brought the date along with us. when we got back to put up the pool the ruskie and i decided we had no idea what we were doing and the date randomly started doing our yard work.

sunday night: the jew came home. 'nuff said.

monday: the ruskie ditched us and went off shopping, leaving me and the jew to fend for ourselves in regards to the pool. 2 trips to home depot later and still the pool is not functional. we'll get there, we swear.

monday night: the jew's boy came over. apparently he does exist. who knew? nice guy. cute guy. i approve. in a way. the jew passed out after 2 beers. seriously.

so...there will be pictures and a thorough blog written about the adventures of this weekend, but in the meantime this will have to suffice:

1 big lots blow up pool = $100
2 blow up rafts = $2.50
1 air compressor = $13
12 bags of sand = $51.74
1 big ass blue tarp = $18
2 trips to home depot = $3.91/gallon
4 hours of inflating a pool (only to have the ruskie deflate it twice by accident), 4 hours of attempting to level the pool so the water doesn't spill everywhere, 1 hour moving the pool (and then moving it back), 1 full day in the sun with one of your best friends (being every bit of lucy & ethel), only to have the pool still resemble a bloated fat blob of a thing that would probably end up on dr. phil if it was a person = priceless.