mystery scientia theatrum , gentilitas penicullus*

in case you've been living under a rock, you may have heard that the pope is visiting dc. the jew, the dog, and i are watching the papal mass on tv right now, so this is a running live blog:

pope mobile goes by WITH THE WINDOW DOWN:
jew: "dude, is the window down? isn't that the point of the bullet proof window?!"
me: "is it wrong that i kinda want something to happen?"
jew: "oh, no totally me too.....except jess is there."
me: "oh, well never mind if jess is there."
jew: "yeah, to hell with the other 50k people there."

later:
me: "i think i totally blogged about when he became the new pope 3 years ago on my old blog....yep, sure did."
jew: "awesome."

pope's procession down infield:
jew: "which one do you think is the agent?" (as papi's body man)
jew: "do you think it's that one?" (a very agent man walks by)
me & jew simultaneously: "oh, it's that one!"

the pope is blessing...um, something:
me: "dude, does that say losnacionales.com? do we have a nationals website in spanish!?"

archdiocese of dc talks about the first catholics in the US in 1624. the pope waves his hands in the air:
me: "dude, don't take credit for it."
jew: "oh, you didn't realize he was alive then?"
me: "he is older than dirt."

i grab my computer and start typing at this point:
jew: "you're totally blogging this now, aren't you?"
me: "it's just too good to pass up!"
jew: "you mean the jew and the gypsy watching the papal mass?"
me: "of course..we're like mystery science theatre."

the choir starts to sing Gloria (not the laura branigan song):
me: "i know all the words to this in latin."
jew singing the words, kinda: "this is not the language i know it in!"
me: "i'm surprised you know it at all."
jew: "do you know how many masses i've sat through at georgetown?!"

the third african-american singer/reader takes the stage:
jew: "have they not had any white people?"
me: "why? are you feeling marginalized as a jewish white woman?"
jew: "DAMN STRAIGHT I AM!"

fox camera's close in on the pope's face. his eyes are closed, again:
jew: "doesn't it look like he's just about to totally fall asleep up there?"
me: "either that or keel over and die."
jew: "yeah."

close up on the pope, again:
me: "he kinda looks like estelle getty...from the golden girls...except, ya know, a guy."

later:
me: "i should probably feel bad that i call all catholics baby rapers."
jew: "you should."
me: "i should..."
jew: "i would say that the majority of them are not."
me: "right."
(the jew proceeds to make me feel really really bad about calling them that. dammit, jew. only you have the power to make me feel guilty.)

the pope's assistant guy (what's that guy called? i'll refer to him as the pope's bitch) gives the pope his glasses for the umpteenth time:
me: "he's like you when you're drunk...takes the glasses off, puts the glasses on, takes the glasses off, puts the glasses on."
jew: "uh...yyyyeah...."

the jew has to leave to go play G-D for a few hours on an ambulance:
me: "this isn't going to be as much fun when you're not here to run commentary with me."
jew: "sorry. i need to go on an ambulance."

the jew walks out of the room and comes back in 5 minutes later:
jew: "is he still talking!?"
me: "yep."
jew: "i wonder how many of those people are actually listening."
me: "at least he can speak english...that's a plus."
jew: "yeah."
me: "maybe if i leave it on i can find faith and religion by osmosis...you know, by just hearing it in the background."
jew: "you can try."

the pope starts reading in spanish:
me: "did he just start in spanish?!...he sounds like my mother does when she tries ordering from taco bell."

the jew to the dog before going to play G-D:
"do we love you? yeah, we love you. the pope may not love you because you're black. and gay. but we love you. yes we do."

after yet another irreverent comment:
me: "we're totally going to hell!"
jew: "i don't believe in hell...you have fun with that."
me: "like this is the thing that's sending me to hell, please...."

a very festive song comes on, neither of us are looking at the tv:
jew: "did they just cut to commercial."
me: "i half expected chiquita banana to come out."
:::the jew starts dancing to the overly-festive music:::

the jew puts her shoes on:
me: "i'm totally putting on Bones as soon as you leave..."
jew: "i love that i got you hooked on it."
me: "there's just too many old white men going on here..."
jew: "gonna watch your girl?"
me: "she's just so pretty!"
(congratulations pope, if possible, you made me even more gay.)

*in propinquus , solus res ego can vere narro super pope res hic , est ut is est has serio screwed sursum mihi res validus urgeo inter urbs.

viva il papa.

(*all that latin i've taken finally paid off)