Tuesday, April 15, 2008

oh, so she *is* straight...(or, the jew's day o'fun in the grass)

today is a beautiful day outside. a very good day for mowing the lawn, in fact. so me, the jew, the dog head outside to the backyard. the jew says she's going to mow the lawn (once i give her a tutorial on how to do it).

so we head off the deck and down to the mower. a quick tutorial and she's on her way. sort of.

she kinda struggles a bit getting it started.

"yeah, i'm never going to be able to do this."
"yeah you can...put some back into it!"
"um...i can't."
"just do it fast and hard...you can do this, straight girl!" (she doubles over in laughter)

she gets it started. she misses about 3 feet of the grass, from the fence on. she goes down one side of the lawn, across, down, across. one big circle. she's pushing with all her might. she's actually being kind of a jackass with it. almost like "look at me...i'm just a girl...i can't do this!" i, of course, having already played this card when i was with my ex (because i hated mowing the lawn), am not falling for it. i continue to laugh and really be amused. i wish i had the camera.

she continues in the circle pattern, not realizing that because we don't have a bag on the mower that she's coming very close to clogging the thing to the point where it dies. she continues. it dies.

"i didn't do it!"
"yes you did."
"i give up."

i take over. take care of all the areas she missed. finish the lawn. put the lawn mower away. sit on the stairs of the deck. the jew gets up and walks into the lawn. scoops up handfuls of just cut grass. and, even behind her $300 polarized custom made sunglasses, i can see the look of mischievousness.

"don't even think about throwing that at me. not unless you plan on ending up on the ground. tackled."

she weighs her options. she doesn't throw it at me. good choice, jew, good choice.

instead she takes two piles of grass and stacks them on three different stairs of the deck where i'm sitting (again, wish i had the camera).

"you're like a little kid sometimes."
"i know."

she takes another pile of grass. places it on the steps.this is where she makes the mistake. because, now, these big large piles of slightly damp just cut grass are right in my reach. and, what does she do? 5 minutes later, without thinking about the piles of grass she put in my reach, she goes under the deck. and, of course, i'm forced to drop the grass on her.

she should have seen it coming. duh.

i allow her one option to throw a pile at me. which she does. ineffectively. i think she was still scared i was going to take her down. i totally would have, btw. totally.

the dog in all of this sunshiney fun is not amused. not amused at all. he's only concerned about going inside and laying on the floor where there is no sun. there is no bugs. there is no random birds nest with a mommy bird trying to kill him.

oh, did i mention there's a random bird nest outside? yeah the mommy bird dive bombs the dog every time he tries to pee. so funny. it makes me cringe every time the bird comes close to him.

it's 2 hours later and we're back in the house. the dog is on the floor. i'm on my side of the couch. and the jew is on her side, picking grass out of her sweatshirt. :)

3 comments:

Lindsay said...

ya'll are out of control.

Jew said...

I would like to say that the gypsy put the deck too low on the mower which is the reason I had so much trouble cutting the grass. Then she raised it and it was much easier. Then she claimed to give me a "tutorial" on how to mow the lawn... then doesn't mentioned the whole back and forth method. And finally -- she fails to mention that she too killed the engine thingy on it a few times as well when she took over. So there!

Signed,
the Jew

skalaney said...

excuses, excuses. :)

this is why you can't leave us to our own devices, ruskie!

(dude, she's already saying "ya'll"...that chicken fried bacon has totally gone to her accent already...we need to stage an intervention. after she stages hers for us.)