the gypsy, the ruskie, the jew, and a pool too...part 1: procuring the pool. and initial set up.

sunday afternoon. 1pm. the ruskie and i see a big lots commercial for the 15'x 36" inflatable "quick set" pool. it's on sale for $100. we look at each other:

same time: "dude...."
ruskie: "we should totally get that."
me: "but we have to do it before [the jew] gets home."
ruskie: "what time does she get home?"
me: "i just asked...she says around 10."
ruskie: "we have plenty of time...it couldn't be that hard, right?"
me: "i just texted [the jew] and told her we had a surprise for her."

since i was kinda supposed to be going on this date like thing with nikki (who doesn't read this blog and who i can totally use her real name on), i had to call her and tell her the change of plans. she decided to tag along (and bring her dogs with her...stay tuned for this story, btw) for the trek out to woodbridge. which, as the ruskie put it, there's only 2 reason to trek out to woodbridge and that's for cheap swedish furniture (and meatballs) from IKEA or, apparently, inflatable pools.

during the drive we have this conversation:
me: "i hope she doesn't get mad."
ruskie: "yeah...but she never gets as mad at me as she does with you."
me: "i just don't want *the* look...i can handle the rest...just not the look"

we get to woodbridge after the ruskie goes to her possibly new apartment building to drop off an application (yeah, we're kicking her out). get to woodbridge and this nice toothless man helped us out. now it was time for accessories:

ruskie: "ohhhh look, rafts...2 for $2.50! we can tell her that we got the pool so she can lay out the way she always wants to when she's in STL."
me: "good thinking...we can bribe her with cheap inflatable floaties..."

toothless man puts the pool into the vehicle and wishes us a happy day:
me: "he kinda reminds me of my uncle mike."
nikki: "hopefully your uncle has more teeth."
me: "strangely enough, no...no he does not...."
nikki: "uh...."

now it was time to fill up the ruskie's war-mobile (not terrorist mobile, ruskie). we trek over to the gas station and, of course, out of 6 pumps available 2 hispanic guys in a big ass dented truck pull up directly behind the ruskie and sit there right on the verge of saying "ay, mami." i know it. so after nikki and i stare them down they move their vehicle to the pump in front of us. brilliant parking job, guys. just brilliant.


we get home and because we have such an extensive project in front of us, we decide to grab burritos from baja fresh first. we need our nourishment and strength, ya know? after dinner we start the setting up process. it's now about 6pm. we have 4 hours to set up our "quick set" pool. so we begin.

the ruskie's job was to inflate the inner tube top of the pool. notice the word INFLATE. kinda a key part of her task and all. my job was to set up the pump. nikki didn't have a job so she decided to do all our yard work that we straight (yeah, nikki called me a straight girl) girls haven't done in the 4 months we've lived her. kinda a weird thing for a first date, but we're lesbians so it's almost understandable. plus, it really did need to be done. nikki's dogs are running amok with our dog and it's total chaos in this house.

text to the jew: "having 3 dogs in the house is total chaos."
call from the jew: "why do we have 3 dogs in the house?"
me: "told you we had a surprise for you...."
jew: "you did not get 3 dogs for the house."
me: "it's a surprise."
jew: "i hate you..."

we started to set up/fill the pool on the right side of the yard. it's the most private area of the back yard seeing as directly behind and above us is A BIG ASS HOTEL that overlooks our backyard. forget about the ground not being level or anything, we wanted our privacy. of course as we fill it the water all goes to one side. the sides are supposed to get higher as the water rises, but somewhere we've failed miserably. the ruskie decides we will move it to the other side of the yard where it surely is more level. um. ok. so we drain the pool and then drag/rotate the thing to the other side. the ruskie continues to supposedly inflate the ring. 20 minutes later...

me: "dude, is that even filling anymore? it looks less inflated than it did earlier."
ruskie: "i dunno. i've been pumping it."
me: "let me see that....dude, you've been fucking deflating the thing!....you're fired."
ruskie: "eh, whatev."

she was tired of being hit in the ass with a water gun spray from the kids next door anyway. i take over the inflating process,but first i ask the jew if she has an "electric air compressor". she calls.

jew: "what's an electric air compressor?"
me: "you know the thing you use to pump up tires and such."
jew: "why do you need an electric air compressor?"
me: "just trust me...do you have one?" (note: i absolutely cannot lie to the jew. she knows to not ask me questions she doesn't want answers to, and if i can't answer the question without lying to her for her own protection i always say "just trust me.")
jew: "next to my ammo box." (later found out she said this while sitting next to a federal air marshal on her way home from STL)
me: "awesome. thanks."
jew: "why do you need an air compressor?!"
me: "just trust me! gotta go, bye!"

the sun is now going down and the jew will be home in a matter of 2 1/2 hours. we are no closer to being done. however our yard work has now been completed. thanks, nikki!

ruskie: "i'm done."
me: "i think the spirit of what we were trying to accomplish is there."
ruskie: "eh, she'll get the idea."
nikki: "who wants ice cream?!"

so we gave up for the night. the jew returns, enters the house, looks around:

jew: "so i was thinking that the only thing that an air compressor could be used for would be for an inflatable pool."
me: "um...no...."
jew: "did you guys get a pool?!" goes to the backyard.
jew: "awesome...i was totally kinda wanting one."
collective sigh of relief from me & the ruskie.
jew: "it's not done."
me: "we're going to finish it tomorrow."
ruskie: "eh, not me...i'm going shopping."
jew: "well we can just take care of it tomorrow morning. no big deal."

NO BIG DEAL, MY ASS. stay tuned for part 2.