Sunday, May 4, 2008

in the circle, the circle of life.

(i totally refuse to accept the jews blogging style... here's what really happened)

so i'm out mowing the lawn while the jew & the dog were out for a walk. the jew comes home & brings the dog into the backyard and together we start to rake up all the wet piles of grass that are everywhere (because we were too cheap to buy a bag for the mower). out of nowhere i see tucker at the end of the fence batting the fence. there's a squeaking occurring. wtf? after about .3 seconds i realize what's going on. HOLY SHIT HE'S EATING A BABY BIRD! i run over amid a frantic "nononononononono" on my part and promptly wrestle him away from his new "toy". i get the dog inside. tell him he's a bad boy.

the jew: "what's going on?"
me: "tucker tried to eat that baby bird!"
jew: "eh, it's the circle of life."
me: "it's a poor defenseless little bird!"
jew: "he was just embracing his natural instincts."
me: "i hate you."

so then we go back inside and i almost, almost forget that tucker was a killer. until, of course, the jew says something about him attacking the baby bird. at this point she's on the couch (duh) and i'm on the other side (duh) and the murderer is between us (duh).

me: "hey killer."
ruskie: "are you calling him 'killer'?"
me: "yes. because that's what he is."
jew: "he didn't mean to kill the bird....it's not even dead yet!"
me: "with his reckless actions he either knew or should have known that death or serious injury resulting in death could have occurred....involuntary manslaughter."
jew: "did you just find him guilty of involuntary manslaughter."
me: "i did."
ruskie: :::the look:::

the little bird was placed back into its nest by me and then promptly jumped out of the nest and glided under the deck. that little fucker better not be dead under there because that's a problem i don't want to have to deal with.

so, that's the story. it doesn't read like a law enforcement public safety announcement. i'm tempted to rescind the jews posting privileges for being boring and one dimensional. :)

No comments: