how do we get back the last hour of our lives?

um. yeah. here's the scene: me. jew. the tombs restaurant. at the bar. enjoying the fine cuisine of grilled cheese & cream of asparagus soup (yes, it was actually good). speaking about the fine quality of george clooney's...well, everything. when, all of sudden, out of nowhere this old guy next to me starts talking:

man: "i know you're both too young for me to buy you a drink."
::exchange of annoyed/bemused look between me and the jew::
::awkward "don't talk to me" laughter on my part.::

man:"i forget about that age limit, you know. it's a good thing though."
me: "yep"
man: "...you should drink everyday. not in excess. not all day. but two drinks. that's the difference between an alcoholic and anyone else, you know."
::points at the jew, she agrees::
man: "okay, i'll stop bothering you now."

i specifically turn myself around in my barstool and face the jew, thus by signifying our ending of the conversation with the old man.

jew: "where were we?"
me: "george clooney is hot"
jew:"right."
man:"let me tell you something...."

because we're polite we listen about how he's a good tipper. his barber. his lady friend. where he buys his christmas toys for children (not related, btw, which totally piqued my perv radar). the hoyas losing. then he stops.

man: "okay, i'm done bothering you. you can continue"

i just smile. the jew continues to eat.

me: "george clooney's back on."
jew: "it's amazing to me how he can just be put on any channel and talk about anything...they could probably put him on animal planet and he'd talk about his hog or..."
man, interrupting: "you know what i'm going to do?"
me, slightly annoyed, but polite none-the-less: "what's that?"
man: "i'm going to...whatever you're having...i'm buying your meal today."
me & the the jew, in unison: "oh, no, we couldn't...but thank you, really."
man: "why not? you're young. you don't have any money. i'm not asking for anything."
me: "no really, but thank you. we just...thank you, but no."
man: "you know...that shows that you're classy. you don't know me. you don't know who i am. many girls would just take it without thinking. that's classy of you two."

as he's speaking i slip my credit card over to erik, the awesome cute bartender. erik comes back with the bill. tells me he'll take it whenever i'm ready.

man: "don't interrupt me!"

then he asks what year in college we are. we say we're not in school. he asks what we do. keep in mind i'm wearing a POLICE raid jacket. i tell him. he says he would have never guessed it. the jew has her "really? really?!" look that she does.

the bartender somehow saves the jew a little bit by talking to her about the hoyas sucktastic fall on sunday. i, of course, continue to be spoken to by the old man. i've checked out mentally 10 minutes prior. the old man continues. he's talking about clucking chicks or something. i dunno.

i take my phone, and not-so-discreetly, text the jew "wtf?"

she not-so-discreetly texts: "i know. shall we bolt?"

to which i turn my head to her and nod very slightly.

and, in keeping with her usual technique, she busts out the blackberry, shows me a very random email.

"we need to take care of this...NOW."

to which i kindly say goodbye to the man. he shakes our hand. comments on my firm grip and we make our exit.

and, just like the edward situation, as soon as we're free....

"WTF?!" laughter.

jew: "it's a good thing we didn't have anything we wanted or needed to talk about."
me: "um...i think i did...i just don't remember now!"
me: "the ruskie isn't going to believe this when we tell her."

get home. IM the ruskie. her response?

"wait you didnt even get the benefit of a drink??"

sigh. after having to listen to him yammer on for as long as we did, i could've used one.