today was softball day. the whole family came out to play. yes, we dragged the ruskie and the dog along with us to softball. at first the coach thought that the ruskie was my girlfriend:
LT: "ohhh...who's that?"
me: "oh, that's [the ruskie]"
LT: "oh, so she's your girlfriend..."
me: "um, no...she's my other straight roommate."
LT: "how do you live in that house with that much temptation?!"
me:::sigh:::
LT: "how are you still single?"
me: :::points at the jew:::
LT: "ohhhh."
me: "it scares people away."
but then, in the 2nd game i'm on second & the jews playing short stop. we're warming up at the beginning of an inning and first base grounds the ball to me. i bend over and have the most excruciating pain to my lower back:
(all of this is yelled across the infield, btw)
jew: "what's wrong? what'd you hurt? where's the pain?"
me: "right here in my lower back..."
jew: "hmmm."
me: "i think it's from the west nile..."
jew: "hmmm"
me: "actually, it's from sleeping on that damn futon."
jew: "oh god."
me: "because someone wouldn't let me sleep on the couch"
jew : "i didn't say you didn't have to sleep on the couch last night" (but she mumbled the first part and all that was heard was "you didn't have to sleep on the couch last night.")
me: "are we going to have this fight out here!?" (said in that tone of voice i reserve when i know we're towing that too close line but no one around us knows we're joking.)
jew: :::giving me the look that goes with the tone:::
first base: "not on the field ladies!"
me & the jew: :::sigh:::big grin at each other:::
just like tucker and the jew, people just don't understand our love. ;)
(sidenote: this is what i have to deal with people...i couldn't figure out how to end this blog, so i asked the jew:
jew: "lauren threw the ball after that and we played. the end."
me: "go in the other room, take your shower, and try to come back wittier, more imaginative, and creative."
jew: "like that could happen..."
me: "true.")
Sunday, May 4, 2008
in the circle, the circle of life.
(i totally refuse to accept the jews blogging style... here's what really happened)
so i'm out mowing the lawn while the jew & the dog were out for a walk. the jew comes home & brings the dog into the backyard and together we start to rake up all the wet piles of grass that are everywhere (because we were too cheap to buy a bag for the mower). out of nowhere i see tucker at the end of the fence batting the fence. there's a squeaking occurring. wtf? after about .3 seconds i realize what's going on. HOLY SHIT HE'S EATING A BABY BIRD! i run over amid a frantic "nononononononono" on my part and promptly wrestle him away from his new "toy". i get the dog inside. tell him he's a bad boy.
the jew: "what's going on?"
me: "tucker tried to eat that baby bird!"
jew: "eh, it's the circle of life."
me: "it's a poor defenseless little bird!"
jew: "he was just embracing his natural instincts."
me: "i hate you."
so then we go back inside and i almost, almost forget that tucker was a killer. until, of course, the jew says something about him attacking the baby bird. at this point she's on the couch (duh) and i'm on the other side (duh) and the murderer is between us (duh).
me: "hey killer."
ruskie: "are you calling him 'killer'?"
me: "yes. because that's what he is."
jew: "he didn't mean to kill the bird....it's not even dead yet!"
me: "with his reckless actions he either knew or should have known that death or serious injury resulting in death could have occurred....involuntary manslaughter."
jew: "did you just find him guilty of involuntary manslaughter."
me: "i did."
ruskie: :::the look:::
the little bird was placed back into its nest by me and then promptly jumped out of the nest and glided under the deck. that little fucker better not be dead under there because that's a problem i don't want to have to deal with.
so, that's the story. it doesn't read like a law enforcement public safety announcement. i'm tempted to rescind the jews posting privileges for being boring and one dimensional. :)
so i'm out mowing the lawn while the jew & the dog were out for a walk. the jew comes home & brings the dog into the backyard and together we start to rake up all the wet piles of grass that are everywhere (because we were too cheap to buy a bag for the mower). out of nowhere i see tucker at the end of the fence batting the fence. there's a squeaking occurring. wtf? after about .3 seconds i realize what's going on. HOLY SHIT HE'S EATING A BABY BIRD! i run over amid a frantic "nononononononono" on my part and promptly wrestle him away from his new "toy". i get the dog inside. tell him he's a bad boy.
the jew: "what's going on?"
me: "tucker tried to eat that baby bird!"
jew: "eh, it's the circle of life."
me: "it's a poor defenseless little bird!"
jew: "he was just embracing his natural instincts."
me: "i hate you."
so then we go back inside and i almost, almost forget that tucker was a killer. until, of course, the jew says something about him attacking the baby bird. at this point she's on the couch (duh) and i'm on the other side (duh) and the murderer is between us (duh).
me: "hey killer."
ruskie: "are you calling him 'killer'?"
me: "yes. because that's what he is."
jew: "he didn't mean to kill the bird....it's not even dead yet!"
me: "with his reckless actions he either knew or should have known that death or serious injury resulting in death could have occurred....involuntary manslaughter."
jew: "did you just find him guilty of involuntary manslaughter."
me: "i did."
ruskie: :::the look:::
the little bird was placed back into its nest by me and then promptly jumped out of the nest and glided under the deck. that little fucker better not be dead under there because that's a problem i don't want to have to deal with.
so, that's the story. it doesn't read like a law enforcement public safety announcement. i'm tempted to rescind the jews posting privileges for being boring and one dimensional. :)
Saturday, May 3, 2008
i'm doomed to too many nights on the couch watching Bones with the jew...
had a conversation last night with a girl i was interested in dating:
girl: "i don't think i can date you."
me: "um...ok....why not?"
girl: "because you're already in a relationship."
me: "i am?"
girl: "you are. whether you want to admit it or not, you're already in a relationship with your roommate."
me: "i am not. we are not."
girl: "you are. you're just in a sexless relationship."
me: "we're just really good friends."
girl: "you're closer than any people i've seen. roommates don't act the way you two do...neither of you are that close with your other roommate, i bet...hell, you said she came home from work just to bring you soup the other day when you weren't feeling well...i bet you've done the same thing for her..."
me: "um...it's just what we do."
girl: "you guys are adopting a dog together."
me: "it's not really together...it just looks that way because of the way we have to fill out the paperwork."
girl: "you're trying too hard to justify your 'friendship'"
me: "i...we're not even as close as we used to be."
girl: "i can't imagine you two any closer...look, you're already in a relationship and she sounds like the best kind of girlfriend you could ask for...i can't compete with her....you should just give up on looking for someone to date, you already have someone..."
me: "that's not the case, but if that's how you feel...i don't know what to say to any of this..."
girl: "if it's not the case, you just need to make your move on her because you're already together."
me: "again, don't know what to say to that or you at this point."
girl: "if things ever change between you and her, give me a call."
me::::sigh:::
this is also not the first time a girl i've been interested in dating has said this type of thing to me.
then today at a mini softball practice:
LT (coach): "where's your girl?"
me: "what?"
LT: "where's [the jew]?"
me: "oh, at home mowing the lawn...she just called...had a straight girl mowing the lawn freak out moment...always funny."
LT: "wait...she's straight?"
me: "yes."
LT: "really?"
me: "yes."
LT: "i thought you two....well, you guys seemed like you were trying very hard last week to come across as not a couple for the sake of the other girls...."
me: "we weren't trying, we're not a couple."
LT: "oh...hmm...really? cause we were all thinking that you two are a really cute couple....you guys look good together...move well together."
me: "not a couple."
LT: "if you say so...but i don't believe it."
me: "that's fine. no one else does either."
LT: "you know, [other teammate] is interested in you but she doesn't want to step on anyone's toes...you know, [the jews]. after seeing you two together i told her that she shouldn't even try...i'm sorry."
me: "omg...i'm doomed to be single...." :::walks off:::
i don't even have a witty closing to this one. at all. i'm just frustrated. but, if i have to change my friendship with the jew in order to find someone that wants to date me, they're probably not worthy of dating to begin with. still frustrating though.
girl: "i don't think i can date you."
me: "um...ok....why not?"
girl: "because you're already in a relationship."
me: "i am?"
girl: "you are. whether you want to admit it or not, you're already in a relationship with your roommate."
me: "i am not. we are not."
girl: "you are. you're just in a sexless relationship."
me: "we're just really good friends."
girl: "you're closer than any people i've seen. roommates don't act the way you two do...neither of you are that close with your other roommate, i bet...hell, you said she came home from work just to bring you soup the other day when you weren't feeling well...i bet you've done the same thing for her..."
me: "um...it's just what we do."
girl: "you guys are adopting a dog together."
me: "it's not really together...it just looks that way because of the way we have to fill out the paperwork."
girl: "you're trying too hard to justify your 'friendship'"
me: "i...we're not even as close as we used to be."
girl: "i can't imagine you two any closer...look, you're already in a relationship and she sounds like the best kind of girlfriend you could ask for...i can't compete with her....you should just give up on looking for someone to date, you already have someone..."
me: "that's not the case, but if that's how you feel...i don't know what to say to any of this..."
girl: "if it's not the case, you just need to make your move on her because you're already together."
me: "again, don't know what to say to that or you at this point."
girl: "if things ever change between you and her, give me a call."
me::::sigh:::
this is also not the first time a girl i've been interested in dating has said this type of thing to me.
then today at a mini softball practice:
LT (coach): "where's your girl?"
me: "what?"
LT: "where's [the jew]?"
me: "oh, at home mowing the lawn...she just called...had a straight girl mowing the lawn freak out moment...always funny."
LT: "wait...she's straight?"
me: "yes."
LT: "really?"
me: "yes."
LT: "i thought you two....well, you guys seemed like you were trying very hard last week to come across as not a couple for the sake of the other girls...."
me: "we weren't trying, we're not a couple."
LT: "oh...hmm...really? cause we were all thinking that you two are a really cute couple....you guys look good together...move well together."
me: "not a couple."
LT: "if you say so...but i don't believe it."
me: "that's fine. no one else does either."
LT: "you know, [other teammate] is interested in you but she doesn't want to step on anyone's toes...you know, [the jews]. after seeing you two together i told her that she shouldn't even try...i'm sorry."
me: "omg...i'm doomed to be single...." :::walks off:::
i don't even have a witty closing to this one. at all. i'm just frustrated. but, if i have to change my friendship with the jew in order to find someone that wants to date me, they're probably not worthy of dating to begin with. still frustrating though.
she totally gave us the look...
the scene: the jew on the couch filling out the adoption forms. the ruskie, surprisingly, on the couch on her computer unaware of what the jew is doing. me coming downstairs to leave for work:
the jew: "two questions."
me: "yes, dear?" :::crouches down next to the jew, looking over her shoulder:::
the jew:::lol::: "look at this picture..."
me: "omg...she's so cute..."
the jew: "i know...i love her.:::looks at me:::..so is tucker on any preventative heart worm meds?"
me: "yep."
the jew: "how much do you think we spend on tucker every year?"
me: "too damn much."
the ruskie (finally tuning in to the conversation): "wait a sec...what are you two doing?"
me & the jew (looking extremely guilty): "nothing."
the ruskie: ::the look:::
me: "she's giving us the look."
the jew: "she is."
the ruskie: "there's no look....what are you two doing?"
me :::standing up::: "nothing....we're most certainly not adopting a dog together..."
the ruskie: :::the look:::
me: "you should read the blog."
the jew: "read the blog."
the ruskie: "do i have to find out everything through the blog?"
me: "do we have to find out everything via your away messages?" (in reference to her away message stating she had quit her job)
the ruskie: "nice...touche, touche."
the ruskie: "tucker, they're replacing you."
me: "no, we're replacing you."
the ruskie: :::the look:::
:)
the jew: "two questions."
me: "yes, dear?" :::crouches down next to the jew, looking over her shoulder:::
the jew:::lol::: "look at this picture..."
me: "omg...she's so cute..."
the jew: "i know...i love her.:::looks at me:::..so is tucker on any preventative heart worm meds?"
me: "yep."
the jew: "how much do you think we spend on tucker every year?"
me: "too damn much."
the ruskie (finally tuning in to the conversation): "wait a sec...what are you two doing?"
me & the jew (looking extremely guilty): "nothing."
the ruskie: ::the look:::
me: "she's giving us the look."
the jew: "she is."
the ruskie: "there's no look....what are you two doing?"
me :::standing up::: "nothing....we're most certainly not adopting a dog together..."
the ruskie: :::the look:::
me: "you should read the blog."
the jew: "read the blog."
the ruskie: "do i have to find out everything through the blog?"
me: "do we have to find out everything via your away messages?" (in reference to her away message stating she had quit her job)
the ruskie: "nice...touche, touche."
the ruskie: "tucker, they're replacing you."
me: "no, we're replacing you."
the ruskie: :::the look:::
:)
Friday, May 2, 2008
we have reached a new level of awkward...
the jew and i have reached a whole new level of domesticity. we're applying to adopt zoe. she's melted our hearts and we can't stop thinking about her.
the jew: "are we ready to make this decision?"
me: "i think we've reached a point in our relationship that it's time to add a little one."
the jew: "this is going to be so awkward."
me: "yep."
the jew: "do you think we need to tell the landlord that we're getting another dog?"
me: "we didn't tell him we were bringing [the ruskie] into the house...this isn't much different."
we have to apply to adopt her. together. we have to attend classes together, as a "family/household". we have to have a home visit. on the application the jews name is listed first. the second section says "spouse/significant other.":
the jew: "do i list you down as my significant other?"
me: "i think i am at this point."
the jew: "so awkward."
me: "very."
the jew: "do you think they'll be upset that zoe will have two mommies?"
me: "this is so awkward."
we started the application process. we're going to get a new baby. the ruskie is going to give us the look when we tell her. whatev, ruskie, whatev.
on the chance that we don't get approved for zoe, we're going out in search of a puppy tomorrow. after that we'll probably go to home depot, bed bath & beyond, play some softball , bbq, then fall asleep on the couch together while doing the crossword puzzle. :)
the jew: "are we ready to make this decision?"
me: "i think we've reached a point in our relationship that it's time to add a little one."
the jew: "this is going to be so awkward."
me: "yep."
the jew: "do you think we need to tell the landlord that we're getting another dog?"
me: "we didn't tell him we were bringing [the ruskie] into the house...this isn't much different."
we have to apply to adopt her. together. we have to attend classes together, as a "family/household". we have to have a home visit. on the application the jews name is listed first. the second section says "spouse/significant other.":
the jew: "do i list you down as my significant other?"
me: "i think i am at this point."
the jew: "so awkward."
me: "very."
the jew: "do you think they'll be upset that zoe will have two mommies?"
me: "this is so awkward."
we started the application process. we're going to get a new baby. the ruskie is going to give us the look when we tell her. whatev, ruskie, whatev.
on the chance that we don't get approved for zoe, we're going out in search of a puppy tomorrow. after that we'll probably go to home depot, bed bath & beyond, play some softball , bbq, then fall asleep on the couch together while doing the crossword puzzle. :)
Thursday, May 1, 2008
so who gets to be sophia?
so today at work there was some ASPCA like people on the street adopting out chocolate labs. by far the cutest dogs i've seen in a loooong time. i text messaged the jew & the ruskie to inform them of my find. the jew did not respond because she was at home sick. the ruskie responded "bring one home". alas, i did not:
the jew: "why didn't you bring one home?"
me: "i felt like we needed to discuss this before the decision was made."
the jew: "do we want a puppy?"
me: "i dunno...are we at the point where we're ready to expand our family?" (said in that 'are we seriously having this super lesbionic coupley conversation?' tone)
so then the ruskie walked in the door and immediately was bombarded with pictures of prospective future members of our house hold:
the ruskie: "have you realized that all our conversations today have revolved around puppies?"
me: "what can i say...i'm ovulating."
the jew: "T...M...I..."
me: "i'm kidding."
the ruskie: "are you seriously getting another dog?"
me: "no...i can't have a second dog...it's hard enough trying to find a place to live in with one dog, let alone two. but [the jews] birthday is coming up...."
the jew: "we could each have one."
me: "yeah, we'd have to split them up if...no, when...we finally move apart..."
the ruskie: "are you guys ever going to move apart?"
me: "we can't live together forever...eventually someone has got to be stupid enough to want to marry one of us...and, it's not like we're the golden girls!"
the jew: "oh! but when we get to be like 80 can we all live together?!" (said totally seriously, btw)
me: "yeah, you can be the slutty one (to the ruskie)."
the ruskie: "WHATEV."
me: "no! you could be bea arthur!"
the jew: "yeah!"
the ruskie: "I AM NOT BEA ARTHUR!"
me (looking at the time): "UGH! I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO BLOG THIS BEFORE WORK!!"
in the end we think this little gal may be our winner. i showed her to the jew and she got really quiet, smiled, and gave this look that made me finally understand the phrase 'melting right in front of me':
"omg...i think that may be my puppy."
i think i may agree. hell, with a response/look like that, how can i not?
the jew: "why didn't you bring one home?"
me: "i felt like we needed to discuss this before the decision was made."
the jew: "do we want a puppy?"
me: "i dunno...are we at the point where we're ready to expand our family?" (said in that 'are we seriously having this super lesbionic coupley conversation?' tone)
so then the ruskie walked in the door and immediately was bombarded with pictures of prospective future members of our house hold:
the ruskie: "have you realized that all our conversations today have revolved around puppies?"
me: "what can i say...i'm ovulating."
the jew: "T...M...I..."
me: "i'm kidding."
the ruskie: "are you seriously getting another dog?"
me: "no...i can't have a second dog...it's hard enough trying to find a place to live in with one dog, let alone two. but [the jews] birthday is coming up...."
the jew: "we could each have one."
me: "yeah, we'd have to split them up if...no, when...we finally move apart..."
the ruskie: "are you guys ever going to move apart?"
me: "we can't live together forever...eventually someone has got to be stupid enough to want to marry one of us...and, it's not like we're the golden girls!"
the jew: "oh! but when we get to be like 80 can we all live together?!" (said totally seriously, btw)
me: "yeah, you can be the slutty one (to the ruskie)."
the ruskie: "WHATEV."
me: "no! you could be bea arthur!"
the jew: "yeah!"
the ruskie: "I AM NOT BEA ARTHUR!"
me (looking at the time): "UGH! I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO BLOG THIS BEFORE WORK!!"
in the end we think this little gal may be our winner. i showed her to the jew and she got really quiet, smiled, and gave this look that made me finally understand the phrase 'melting right in front of me':
"omg...i think that may be my puppy."
i think i may agree. hell, with a response/look like that, how can i not?
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