there would be tuck pics if blogger would upload them...

i'm going to be working on a year in review of "the incredibly true misadventures of the gypsy and the jew" prior to us parting ways with our house. yes, i say our house and not each other seeing as, apparently, i am moving into (for a limited time only) the jew's super awesome pretty new house she's getting.

until i am able to scrounge up the time, energy, and general wit it takes to blog, please accept ourthanks for sticking with us. (yes, we mean you, ruskie, kojew, mama ruskie, and slick).

total cop out.

the ruskie says that mama ruskie (who is made of awesome) wants me to update this blog. so this is an update. but really it's not because nothing ever happens in our house anymore. we've become relatively normal. though this conversation did take place yesterday upon the jew's return from her thanksgiving trip:

jew (opens the refrigerator. looks in.): is there a fruit basket in the refrigerator?
gypsy: yes.
jew (pauses, does her curious but not so much as to ask face): ok. (closes the refrigerator)

the end. see? not very interesting.

but i rest comfortably knowing this:

ComradeRuskie (1:52:38 PM): btw my mom wants you to update your blog

Gypsy (1:52:47 PM): sure she does

ComradeRuskie (1:53:26 PM): no really, she loves it

ComradeRuskie (1:53:32 PM): probably more than mine

gypsy (1:55:57 PM): i'm sorry

ComradeRuskie (1:56:10 PM): UGH

gypsy (1:57:18 PM): :)

slightly amusing. even though she woke me up ;)

frantic call from the jew this morning in which she sounded like a scared first time mother.

jew: "something's wrong with tucker"
me: "what do you mean?"
jew: "his ears are back & his tail is between his legs & he's shaking & looks miserable in general."
me: "is he cold?"
jew: "what?"
me: "is he cold? was he just outside?"
jew: "yeah..."
me: "touch his nose...is it cold?"
jew: "like ice"
me: "wrap him in a blanket & hold him for a little bit, he'll be all right."
jew: "oh. ok. good. i just thought....the last time he was like that he ended up in the emergency room. i was worried."
me: "no, he's fine. he just doesn't know when to not play outside."

tucker's favorite season is winter. he won't come inside until he's almost frozen. he loves to sled once the snow comes. yes, ruskie, there will be pictures of this. :)

party to the crime? or accessory after the fact without intent?

i unwittingly busted the jew out of the hospital today without knowing she hadn't been discharged.

sigh.

she's going to get me arrested. or at least in trouble with mama jew.

teeny tiny baby steps.

i'm a'house huntin' tomorrow. without the jew. this makes me very nervous and sad. but also happy cause yay, i'm getting all grown up & moving in with the gf. but still. home life without the jew? i don't like that idea one little bit.

no no no.

dying from the cuteness....

the little monster has gained quite a bit of weight lately. we're not so sure why or how, but he no longer looks like a pitt-bull in anyway. in fact he's all big fatty old man lab. however, he's still able to make us go awwwww when he does things like this:
on a sidenote: i've begun the process of looking for a new place to live. this makes me very sad. we're not sure how we're going to divide the monster. i say chainsaw, but most likely we'll go with a massive game of tug-o-war....

at the behest of mama ruskie....

Wonder if they'd let Tucker into the theatre to see this one. Although he'd probably try to run around the back side of the screen to try to find a new friend.

http://movies.yahoo.com/premieres/10232841/standardformat/

i wonder if i can get her parents to send me money over the phone...;)

kojew and i hit the monuments this am while the jew slept her little heart away. at one point we were talking about how i am known to bake massive amounts of cookies . i explained to kojew that i no longer bake as much as i used to since the ruskie isn't around to give me sad eyes and say "um, are there any cookies?"

kojew starts laughing.

kojew: "it's uncanny how much you can sound like [the ruskie]."
gypsy: "it's only cause we're both from california..."
kojew: "it's still uncanny."
gypsy: "well, it's also easy cause i hate people as much as she does."
kojew: "funny."

but it's true...i do do a wicked ruskie impersonation. surf board, pipelines, and communism not included.

(the jew, however, does a much better impersonation of sitting in the corner at the kitchen table)

mr. clean would be proud. or something.

it's 2001 hours on a friday night. kojew is visiting us this weekend. her bus should be arriving shortly. as such, the jew & i are on a mad dash around the house to make it look like we on occasion do not live like frat boys on spring break. all the cups have been taken off the table (and placed in the dishwasher, no less!). bowls have been picked from their homes on the floor. empty yogurt containers with tucker teeth marks on the edges have been recycled. the jew is cleaning the toilet (she busted out nitrile, not latex, gloves for this task.)

we're now both sitting on the couch (which, looking at it, needs vaccuuming) typing away.

i hope kojew doesn't notice the 4 pairs of flip flops, 2 pairs of running shoes, 3 pairs of boots under the table.

and, really, everything should be okay as long as she doesn't enter either of our rooms. :)

in case of nuclear fallout, we're covered.

i came home from work today to find a big brown package sitting on the porch. it was addressed to the jew. like all the other packages of hers that i drag into the house, i dragged this one in as well (dragged? drug? i'm not sure). the jew was sleeping on the couch & i not-so-quietly plopped the thing on the table. after a few groggy moments she jumped up like a kid on christmas (not a jewish kid, but ya know, a christmas celebratin' one) and began to open the box.

jew: "you're going to laugh when you see what's in here."
gypsy: "buy one get one 1/2 off from drugstore.com?" (total inside joke that i'm too lazy to see if i mentioned on here & link back to)
jew: "haha. no."

she opened the box.

this is what it contained:


gypsy: "are we opening a day care?"
jew: ".....no."

yes, that's right, 80 fruit snacks. they are, apparently, fat free. and she, the jew, is apparently, addicted to them. (as i type this, she's moving the box to the counter, very gingerly & with much love, i must say.)

i'm thinking that should a case of Pop Tarts arrive ('smores flavor only, of course) i will be concerned that the jew is half way to packing up a bunch of notebooks & heading to a cabin in west virginia with a gun rack in the back of her civic. then, when she's gone all conspiracy nutted & is sending unlabeled packages across the country, i can look back and say it all started with 80 bags of 100% fruit juice chewiness....

he's whipped it, whipped it good...

so i came home this morning from work, walked in the door, and there was tucker with his tail between his legs. i thought maybe he was scared cause, ya know, he never mans up. i didn't think anything of it. i went to bed. an hour later i get woken up by a 64.4lb dog on my chest whimpering. i ask him what's wrong. he doesn't answer. i kinda patted him on his butt and told him to go to bed. the loudest girliest wussiest yelp ever came out of the little monster. egads! what the hell? after much yelping on his part i am able to ascertain that the pain is coming from his tail which is now bent all crooked like. i message the jew and she says he was all grumpy and in pain last night while i was at work too. hrmph. i say i think his tail is broken. i google. sure, enough, the examples of broken tails look just like the little monster dogs tail. amputation is the only option. bigger hrmph. i tell this to the jew. we decide to take him to the vet. he's spending the day there while they figure it all out. the jew & i are very concerned for our baby. after all, tucker does have two mommies.

in regards to us both being concerned & trying to manage the little guy, the jew had this to say:

jew: " besides, we haven't been super gay together in a while."

true. very very true.

---i'll update when we know more---

UPDATE!

the vet says that the little monster dogs tail is more than likely just badly sprained and not broken. he's on some medication to make the pain subside & thus by make his grumpy subside as well. if he doesn't get better by mid-week we'll re-evaluate the situation. the jew picked the tuck up from the vet and he (tucker, not the vet) peed on the floor. if that's not a perfectly healthy monster, i don't know what is. :)

an update for the ruskie...

nothing of noteworthiness or excitement is going on.

the jew is sick. i am sick.

we are eating plain pasta in the dark with no tv on in our pajamas at 1630 hours on a thursday. the dog is hiding because it's scary and storming outside.

so exciting is this household without our ruskie.

consider yourself officially updated ;)

наш собственный личный переводчик

the jew, the ruskie, and i decided to go reconnect with our inner xphile and go see the x-files movie tonight. all three of us trekked out there independently because we like to contribute to the ruskie's retirement fund. the movie was...meh. there were a few spots where the jew and i looked at each other with a raised wtf eyebrow, but mostly it was like a long ass episode from back in the day.

for those that haven't seen the movie a good bulk of it has to do with some creepy ass russians. because chris carter wanted to be authentic or something he didn't put any subtitles for any of the shit those damn commies were saying. thankfully, we brought our own translator.

creepy commie: --mumbling some bullshit--
me & the jew to the ruskie: "what'd they say?!"
ruskie: "today! today!"
me: "subtitles?! we don't need 'em...we brought our own translator!"
jew: "yeah!"


there were actually quite a few moments where the creepy commies would be babbling some crazy creepy commie stuff on the screen and the jew and i were flatlined on the subject, but of course, to my right the ruskie got it all. damn her and her oversized IQ and well traveled brain.

a miniature update of sorts...

ok, ruskie, this is why there hasn't been any updates: because neither the jew or i are really ever around each other for more than a hectic passing moment on our way out the door to another crazy hectically scheduled day. i promise you that when we do manage to spend more than 3 minutes in each others presence something outrageously jew/gypsy will happen and i will blog about it.

you know...you could just move back in if you really miss the shenanigans around here. though there really isn't any anymore. even monster dog has settled down (to a point).

i'll keep y'all updated. guaranteed.


(and, really, no crazy ruskie nyc weekend stories? or have you just not shared them?)

partners in crime til the hilarious end.

the jew and i haven't spent more than 15 minutes in the same room/house together in almost a month. which is why this blog hasn't had any entries in about as long. however, today the jew came home early from work and we have managed to have a months worth of entries happen in about an hours time:

(sound of the vacuum)
jew: "oh. that wasn't supposed to go in there."
gypsy: "what did you do? and what's that burning smell?"
jew: "i sucked up my warm fuzzy."
gypsy: "your what?"
jew: "my warm fuzzy. the purple thing that sits on my night stand?"
gypsy: "i don't spend a lot of time looking around your room."
jew: "my warm fuzzy is now in the vacuum and won't come out."

of course i somehow get sucked into helping the warm fuzzy escape from its (his? her?) impending doom amongst the swirl of dust and tucker fur. first we start with trying to remove the end of the hose that the warm fuzzy is stuck closest to. no avail. then we try a coat hanger down the tube to unlodge the thing. no go. i begin to remove the screws that hold the hose into the vacuum. the jew says she doesn't understand what that's going to do. watch and be amazed, jew!

i go get the broom and shove it down the flex end of the tube.

gypsy: "it's like trying to get a mouse through a python."
jew: "yeah..."

a few pushes and out pops the little purple warm fuzzy.

gypsy: "wait! that's what i've just spent 15 minutes of my life trying to rescue? you do realize this is just a catnip toy, right?"
jew: "it's my warm fuzzy..."
gypsy: "well if it's important to you..."
jew: "i firmly await the blog entry on this one."
gypsy: "this is another situation where i'm glad [the ruskie] is not around to witness this."

the princess and the pea...

omg. the jew has a new bed. it's the most absurd thing i have ever seen in my life. let me paint this picture for you...the jew is only 65" tall. her bed is now 32" tall. it is literally the height of the average 5 year old. it's like the monster trucks of mattresses.

me: "that's the most ridiculous thing i've ever seen."
jew: "but did you lay on it?"
me: "no. i don't regularly lay in your bed when you're not around...not that i regularly lay in your bed at all..."
jew: "but dude. you have to feel this."
me: "i'm not getting into bed with you."
jew: "but you have to feel this!"
me: "ok. fine."
(laying next to each other in the exact same position)
me: "it's times like these when i'm really glad [the ruskie] isn't here to witness this."
jew: "yeah..."

she shouldn't have made me lay in it...it's so comfortable that the jew may have to worry about me taking up residency on half the bed when she's not looking. thankfully it has "independently wrapped coils" so she won't notice when i've done this.

this bed is so high that i'm afraid the jew may pull something trying to climb into it. never to be one to allow my jew to be injured, i helped her out a bit:

the only thing that comes to mind when i see this? oy.

ER visit # 1 billion and 4

ugh. lunch with the jew is so stressful it landed me in the ER..again ;)

not really, but after a very pleasant empty-bar lunch, i said goodbye to the jew and went about going to work. of course my body had other plans for me. namely vomitting excessive amounts of blood all over my car. SO MUCH FUN.

off to the ER i went. but i didn't utilize my uber awesome ICE (shocking, i know!). i utilized my uber awesome girlfriend and went about going to the ER.

1 crackhead roommate, an NG tube (like an orgasm for my nose), and 6 hours later i got discharged.

i call the jew (who has kept in contact via text the entire time):

jew: "i bought you cheerios."

this is why my jew is the best jew in the entire world. ever. hands down.

oh, yeah, and thanks gf. you're the best too. :)

(pictures to come...because my gf is a sadist :) )

the gypsy and jews giant game of red rover.

since the ruskie vacated the nice bright non humid room downstairs i have moved into it. this puts the jew and i directly across the hall from each other. this makes the monster dog very happy. he can now run from my room across the hall into her room and onto the bed. and then back again. wash, rinse, repeat. over and over again.

jew: "oh, so you think you can just sleep wherever you want with whoever you want? you think you can just jump from bed to bed?"
me: "yeah, we can call him [insert name of slutty friend here]."
jew: "are you [the slut]? are you? yes you are...."

ridiculous. but also kinda awesome.

the other thing that putting us across the hall from each other has done is that we can seriously each sit on our bed and post game our days.

however, even the proximity hasn't stopped us from IMing each other from across the 8 feet of hallway.

what can i say? old habits die hard.

well, this sucks.

10 days apart definitely did a number on us. the dynamics are different. our lives are different. when (not if) we get back to being the jew/the gypsy, there will be blogs and they will be hilarious. until then, people....